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Rastomil’s Bodyguards
Mirrored from Sythyry.
Jagraton and Wentalilla are a semi-matched pair of Rassimel. Jagraton is male, tall, and very dark-furred — he uses a sort of blue-black fur dye, according to Phaniet’s nose. Wentalilla is squirrel-styled. They both wear black leather armor, carry a tiny arsenal of weaponry (rapier, parrying dagger, throwing knives, buckler, staff) and of bound spells (heavy on the Cure the Awful Wound and Spirit Reunion end of things), and a few actual enchanted items (a wand that creates walls of wood, a device to teleport someone to a safe place).
They affect an aura of menace. When they speak, the very tone of their words hints that they are inexorable powers, more important than you and far more dangerous. This would work much better if we hadn’t spent so much of the last few months dealing with pirates, gods, Locador demons, wizards, accountants, evil high priests, nendrai, and other such dangers.
I disliked them instantly.
Jagraton: “Captain Sythyry. We’re Jagraton and Wentalilla, bodyguards to Prince Rastomil. We’re here to improve your security arrangements.”
Me: “Ah, excellent. The lightning spirits should go over there; the hurler of small mountains in the left spire; the incendiary disintegrator in the right. The force field generator should be placed by the bridge, where I can install it myself.” They had not brought any such things, of course.
Jagraton: “We’re not here for nonsense.”
Me: “Can you be sure of that? Would you know if you were?”
Jagraton: “Let’s start again. You are captain of this skyboat, are you not?”
Me: “Oh, I’m sure that any of the blue-feathered Zi Ri you see around could do that job.”
Jagraton: “If you are not Captain Sythyry, please be so efficient as to direct me to zir.”
Me: “Zi Ri are not generally concerned with efficiency, especially where busybody minions are concerned.”
Jagraton: “Fine. We’ll take it as read that you are Sythyry. Now, for the prince’s quarters, we’re going to need your largest suite of rooms, of course.”
Me: “Oh, dearie. My largest suite? Really?”
Jagraton: “This is the prince of Barency we’re talking about.”
Me: “It’s the sixth-from-the-top prince. Pretty minor.”
Jagraton: “He is the prince. Further considerations are irrelevant. He outranks everyone aboard the vessel.”
Me: “Well, I wouldn’t say ‘outranks’ exactly. Still, he can have the largest suite, if he wants it. Are you planning to bring the whole population of Barency along?”
Jagraton: “Whole population…? What? We’ll have no more of your nonsense!”
Me: “My nonsense is more sensible than your sense. My biggest suite could adequately house several tens of thousands of people. Strayway is an extremely large skyboat, on the inside. Is that the suite you want? You’re welcome to it.”
Jagraton: “… We’ll take your best suite for a dozen people.”
Me: “You’ll take the third suite off that corridor. Or one that’s two miles off yonder, if you keep annoying me. Your call.”
Jagraton: “There had better be only one door into it, or we’ll have to block off all but one, for better safety…”
Me: “Just precisely what are you worried about? The nendrai? The Locador demon? The Mircannis angels? Me? And which of these do you think will be stopped by the bulkheads of Strayway, which, while elegant and well-carved and modestly magical, are not in the slightest designed for defense?”
Jagraton: “No monster will be permitted to trouble the Prince.”
Me: “Well, nothing short of city walls will keep the nendrai out if she wants in — and even city walls will only do so much. I don’t have any good way to keep the Locador demon out if he wants in, even including city walls.”
Jagraton: “That is not acceptable!”
Me: “If you don’t like the Strayway for him, he can stay home. I don’t actually need to bring your silly little prince along. “
Prince Rastomil:[coming around the corridor] “I’m a silly little prince, then?”
Awkwardness ensued — a short but intense awkwardness, rather full of apologies, after which I flew off with an unbecoming alacrity.
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The "Would you know if you were?" is diplomatic language meaning "I suspect that you have not done your basework. Please tread carefully, forthwith, lest you damage your Prince's standing with a foreign government." Which, in essence, Strayway IS.
Thence to the "Are you even the one you pretend to be?" (having already confirmed the identity formally) which is a further insult. Honestly, they begin by filing the building permit for the petard on which they are to be hoisted.
Perhaps Sythry will develop the Tempador spell "A Spare Hour Wherein To Find The Perfect Rejoinder" for this sort of situation. Since, often as not, one realizes the perfect thing one should have said an hour later.
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"We're here to inspect the security arrangements."
Note, no judgement is implied, simply the expectation that there ARE security arrangements.
Thinking about this, I'm suddenly realizing that this particular city seems to have a somewhat Byzantine culture. The invitation to the University, while valid, had a secret agenda, and the actual beliefs of the people seemed at odds with what they actually stated, to a greater degree than Sythyry's Vhreshmani (sic?) culture exhibits.
Perhaps this was an intentional manipulation, seeing just how easily this Wizard might become rattled.
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Poor diplomacy on both sides, then.
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There is, of course, the problem of remembering to cast it in that terrible moment of panic in which I realize I said the awful word.
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If it was mild, amused, or otherwise indicated an awareness that his Gravitas Has Not Been Broached, then a joking reply might have worked.
And if it carried the annoyance or anger of someone whose Princely Persona has been offended (whether or not he personally felt insult, a prince when in the princely persona represents the entirety of the State for which they are (or will be) the regent, and thus must be able to manage affront to that persona) he would expect it to engender fear on the part of any of his vassals, and at least embarrassment on the part of any foreigner who is trying to hold good relations with that State.
Since, however, he is the sixth prince, not the first, and appears to be joining as part of the previously described collection of visitors and students, this is PROBABLY him in his own Persona, and with that many princes, he might be insecure in his own right, which is perhaps a bit unfortunate. In that case, Sythyry is quite right in being embarrassed for insulting him, but this may perhaps be bleeding off some of the greater DOOOOM!! that could come from this trip, reducing the intensity of future DOOOOOM-bursts.
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You've picked up monster slang!! That's so great! Have you been reading Terrycloth's journals where he's basically acting like a minor deity meddling in the lives of a set of adventurers? That's the only reason I could think of for you to use 'gold' rather than 'amber'. Oh! Or maybe you actually wrote 'amber', and whatever thing is translating this for you is getting more aggressive in zir translations??
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Although here, amber is, in general, somewhat precious. Nowhere near as precious as true World Tree Amber is to you guys... You all do make art and jewellery out of amber from lesser trees too, though, right? Because it happens to be pretty and fairly easy to work? Or, hmmm. Here, amber takes more time to naturally mature than Primes have been alive, so all our 'real' amber tends to be REALLY OLD. You all have other sources of natural amber other than World Tree amber, despite this, right??
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HRH Rastomil: "So I'm a silly little prince then?"
Sythry: "Of course you were, then. Everyone was, at that age. Are you still?"
HRH R: "What?" (confused expression, as one un-used to equals in rank and/or power, that are not family)
Sythry: "Remains to be seen then. In any case, Highness, my apologies for allowing my irritation with being ambush-choofed in Providing Properly For Guests, by guardsmen who don't seem to be Cani, to lead my tongue into a lapse of courtesy. In recompense, please, what are Your Highnesses' personal preferences regarding a suite for yourself and retainers? I will be most happy to ensure them if they're within my power as a Zi-Ri Wizard, personally -- as the burden of security arrangements will be adequately handled between said Guardsmen and the Security liason for Strayway. Which, by the way, would not be myself." (Note to self: Perhaps assign Grinwipey the job of security liason as a reward for something or other.)
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The next time someone with more muscles than brain asks you for your largest suite of rooms... give it to him.
Preferably three or four miles of fractal-dimensional corridors away.
Especially if it's three or four miles of fractal-dimensional corridors from a toilet.
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They have no shame and no hesitation to get the job done. Your Suite of Considerable Inconvenience would speedily be converted using whatever tools came to paw.
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