Rastomil’s Bodyguards

[sythyry]

Mirrored from Sythyry.

Jagraton and Wentalilla are a semi-matched pair of Rassimel. Jagraton is male, tall, and very dark-furred — he uses a sort of blue-black fur dye, according to Phaniet’s nose. Wentalilla is squirrel-styled. They both wear black leather armor, carry a tiny arsenal of weaponry (rapier, parrying dagger, throwing knives, buckler, staff) and of bound spells (heavy on the Cure the Awful Wound and Spirit Reunion end of things), and a few actual enchanted items (a wand that creates walls of wood, a device to teleport someone to a safe place).

They affect an aura of menace. When they speak, the very tone of their words hints that they are inexorable powers, more important than you and far more dangerous. This would work much better if we hadn’t spent so much of the last few months dealing with pirates, gods, Locador demons, wizards, accountants, evil high priests, nendrai, and other such dangers.

I disliked them instantly.

Jagraton: “Captain Sythyry. We’re Jagraton and Wentalilla, bodyguards to Prince Rastomil. We’re here to improve your security arrangements.”

Me: “Ah, excellent. The lightning spirits should go over there; the hurler of small mountains in the left spire; the incendiary disintegrator in the right. The force field generator should be placed by the bridge, where I can install it myself.” They had not brought any such things, of course.

Jagraton: “We’re not here for nonsense.”

Me: “Can you be sure of that? Would you know if you were?”

Jagraton: “Let’s start again. You are captain of this skyboat, are you not?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sure that any of the blue-feathered Zi Ri you see around could do that job.”

Jagraton: “If you are not Captain Sythyry, please be so efficient as to direct me to zir.”

Me: “Zi Ri are not generally concerned with efficiency, especially where busybody minions are concerned.”

Jagraton: “Fine. We’ll take it as read that you are Sythyry. Now, for the prince’s quarters, we’re going to need your largest suite of rooms, of course.”

Me: “Oh, dearie. My largest suite? Really?”

Jagraton: “This is the prince of Barency we’re talking about.”

Me: “It’s the sixth-from-the-top prince. Pretty minor.”

Jagraton: “He is the prince. Further considerations are irrelevant. He outranks everyone aboard the vessel.”

Me: “Well, I wouldn’t say ‘outranks’ exactly. Still, he can have the largest suite, if he wants it. Are you planning to bring the whole population of Barency along?”

Jagraton: “Whole population…? What? We’ll have no more of your nonsense!”

Me: “My nonsense is more sensible than your sense. My biggest suite could adequately house several tens of thousands of people. Strayway is an extremely large skyboat, on the inside. Is that the suite you want? You’re welcome to it.”

Jagraton: “… We’ll take your best suite for a dozen people.”

Me: “You’ll take the third suite off that corridor. Or one that’s two miles off yonder, if you keep annoying me. Your call.”

Jagraton: “There had better be only one door into it, or we’ll have to block off all but one, for better safety…”

Me: “Just precisely what are you worried about? The nendrai? The Locador demon? The Mircannis angels? Me? And which of these do you think will be stopped by the bulkheads of Strayway, which, while elegant and well-carved and modestly magical, are not in the slightest designed for defense?”

Jagraton: “No monster will be permitted to trouble the Prince.”

Me: “Well, nothing short of city walls will keep the nendrai out if she wants in — and even city walls will only do so much. I don’t have any good way to keep the Locador demon out if he wants in, even including city walls.”

Jagraton: “That is not acceptable!”

Me: “If you don’t like the Strayway for him, he can stay home. I don’t actually need to bring your silly little prince along. “

Prince Rastomil:[coming around the corridor] “I’m a silly little prince, then?”

Awkwardness ensued — a short but intense awkwardness, rather full of apologies, after which I flew off with an unbecoming alacrity.

Comments

[allessindra.livejournal.com]

So who was Prince Rastomil that Sythyry lost zir attitude in his presence? It's not like zie doesn't have age, power, grace, and likely wealth in zir favor...

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

I was flustered! I don't like insulting people when it's not on purpose. I would have been nearly as flustered for Cluthe or Invincible Fire Demon, say.

[kris-schnee.livejournal.com]

Seems to me that you picked a fight with the guards for your own amusement, rather than explaining things directly.

[foomf.livejournal.com]

Well, really, they WERE insulting at the outset. "We're here to improve your security arrangements" is an outright statement that they know the arrangements will be inferior. As an Ambassador, even though it's not the role du temps, Sythyry is very much entitled to professional courtesy, and in diplomatic language, their first statement is a slap to the face with a week-old sun-ripened flounder.

The "Would you know if you were?" is diplomatic language meaning "I suspect that you have not done your basework. Please tread carefully, forthwith, lest you damage your Prince's standing with a foreign government." Which, in essence, Strayway IS.

Thence to the "Are you even the one you pretend to be?" (having already confirmed the identity formally) which is a further insult. Honestly, they begin by filing the building permit for the petard on which they are to be hoisted.

Perhaps Sythry will develop the Tempador spell "A Spare Hour Wherein To Find The Perfect Rejoinder" for this sort of situation. Since, often as not, one realizes the perfect thing one should have said an hour later.

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

Improving the security arrangements is their job! They have to at least *pretend* to do it.

[foomf.livejournal.com]

Agreed! But that's done as follows:

"We're here to inspect the security arrangements."

Note, no judgement is implied, simply the expectation that there ARE security arrangements.


Thinking about this, I'm suddenly realizing that this particular city seems to have a somewhat Byzantine culture. The invitation to the University, while valid, had a secret agenda, and the actual beliefs of the people seemed at odds with what they actually stated, to a greater degree than Sythyry's Vhreshmani (sic?) culture exhibits.

Perhaps this was an intentional manipulation, seeing just how easily this Wizard might become rattled.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

I have that spell -- I use it regularly!

[foomf.livejournal.com]

You should bind it on an amulet or somesuch, triggering when you find yourself in situations like this. Of course, identifying the situation beforehand is an odd one, so you might have to make it so you trigger it from the future.

[kris-schnee.livejournal.com]

I support development of the spell "A Spare Hour" for that, along with "Pad the Word Count" and "Ravage the Rough Draft".

Poor diplomacy on both sides, then.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Perhaps so. I would venture that it was more out of a sense of outraged dignity, which is one feather's-weight more dignified.

[mmsword.livejournal.com]

This is rather the perfect time for Change the Awful Word. If only you were a wizard of esoteric magics who could cast such a thing.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

I do that fairly often as well. I don't generally make a great fuss about it of course.

There is, of course, the problem of remembering to cast it in that terrible moment of panic in which I realize I said the awful word.

[rowyn]

Prince Rastomil, unlike his bodyguards, hadn't actually *done* anything annoying yet. Possibly he doesn't even warrant being insulted!

[foomf.livejournal.com]

I wonder what his tone and attitude was when making his own remark; If it was haughty and aloof, then it's demonstration that he is, in fact, a silly little princeling, to think that his Gravitas should be damaged by an irritated exchange.

If it was mild, amused, or otherwise indicated an awareness that his Gravitas Has Not Been Broached, then a joking reply might have worked.

And if it carried the annoyance or anger of someone whose Princely Persona has been offended (whether or not he personally felt insult, a prince when in the princely persona represents the entirety of the State for which they are (or will be) the regent, and thus must be able to manage affront to that persona) he would expect it to engender fear on the part of any of his vassals, and at least embarrassment on the part of any foreigner who is trying to hold good relations with that State.

Since, however, he is the sixth prince, not the first, and appears to be joining as part of the previously described collection of visitors and students, this is PROBABLY him in his own Persona, and with that many princes, he might be insecure in his own right, which is perhaps a bit unfortunate. In that case, Sythyry is quite right in being embarrassed for insulting him, but this may perhaps be bleeding off some of the greater DOOOOM!! that could come from this trip, reducing the intensity of future DOOOOOM-bursts.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Rastomil was amused, and not the least bit arrogant. I rather like him (as of a day or two later).

[bloofox.livejournal.com]

Are the people who named their children Invincible Fire Demon as wonderful as I'm imagining?

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

I daresay Flokin thinks so!

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Oh, I think he deserved that for not reining in his overzealous and self-important bodyguards -- who he should have known would harass you. You've got to learn how to play these things off, Sythyry! You're the inscrutable immortal wizard!

[delight-in.livejournal.com]

It depends on the prince some of them don't get much say in what their bodyguards do or how they act. It's the king or the state that pays for the bodyguards; the person they're actually guarding isn't so much the employer and manager as the heap of gold that they protect. You don't take orders from a heap of gold! I don't know if that's the case here or not but it's probably not good form to assume one way or the other ....

[gavinfox.livejournal.com]

*GLEE*!!

You've picked up monster slang!! That's so great! Have you been reading Terrycloth's journals where he's basically acting like a minor deity meddling in the lives of a set of adventurers? That's the only reason I could think of for you to use 'gold' rather than 'amber'. Oh! Or maybe you actually wrote 'amber', and whatever thing is translating this for you is getting more aggressive in zir translations??

[delight-in.livejournal.com]

Noooo not exactly? I was thinking about Vae asking what the extradimensional nonprime readers here think is valuable and so I tried to pick something that worked for my metaphor AND for Primes AND for extradimensional nonprimes and it was HARD! But I think gold works?

[gavinfox.livejournal.com]

Yea, gold works, I think.

Although here, amber is, in general, somewhat precious. Nowhere near as precious as true World Tree Amber is to you guys... You all do make art and jewellery out of amber from lesser trees too, though, right? Because it happens to be pretty and fairly easy to work? Or, hmmm. Here, amber takes more time to naturally mature than Primes have been alive, so all our 'real' amber tends to be REALLY OLD. You all have other sources of natural amber other than World Tree amber, despite this, right??

[kensan-oni.livejournal.com]

I just like that apparently your not world famous enough to instantly be known by your arrival yet. :) One would have hoped the Security would have at least tried to gather intelligence before making demands. The fact that there wasn't bodes ill.

[foomf.livejournal.com]

I would almost have expected this sort of thing:

HRH Rastomil: "So I'm a silly little prince then?"

Sythry: "Of course you were, then. Everyone was, at that age. Are you still?"

HRH R: "What?" (confused expression, as one un-used to equals in rank and/or power, that are not family)

Sythry: "Remains to be seen then. In any case, Highness, my apologies for allowing my irritation with being ambush-choofed in Providing Properly For Guests, by guardsmen who don't seem to be Cani, to lead my tongue into a lapse of courtesy. In recompense, please, what are Your Highnesses' personal preferences regarding a suite for yourself and retainers? I will be most happy to ensure them if they're within my power as a Zi-Ri Wizard, personally -- as the burden of security arrangements will be adequately handled between said Guardsmen and the Security liason for Strayway. Which, by the way, would not be myself." (Note to self: Perhaps assign Grinwipey the job of security liason as a reward for something or other.)

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

I do like that note-to-self. Grinwipey would be perfect for the post.

[ionotter.livejournal.com]

I daresay he's rather enjoy it, too!

[dracosphynx.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you should helpfully ask the bodyguards for advice in guarding against Vae and suggest a practice bout. I am sure if asked nicely Vae would be more than willing to poke at their defenses. >.>

[yotogi.livejournal.com]

You know that's just going to upset her afterward.

[dracosphynx.livejournal.com]

Good point.

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

An excellent and most amusing idea!

[kensan-oni.livejournal.com]

A complete aside, is there a Study with an Overly Friendly Card Catalog somewhere on Strayway?

[kris-schnee.livejournal.com]

It's between the suicidal couch and the nosy refrigerator!

[gavinfox.livejournal.com]

So... if they had instead asked for the most defensible suite that had an appropriate level of luxury and convenience, and was appropriate to his situation, what would you have told them?

[gavinfox.livejournal.com]

to his station, even.

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure the Mircannis angels would be stopped by bulkheads, actually.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Or someone armed with a stout pillow.

[chipuni.livejournal.com]

Sythyry...

The next time someone with more muscles than brain asks you for your largest suite of rooms... give it to him.

Preferably three or four miles of fractal-dimensional corridors away.

Especially if it's three or four miles of fractal-dimensional corridors from a toilet.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

We are generously provided with toilets on Strayway. I rarely regret this fact -- though I can see the point of having a Suite of Considerable Inconvenience for just this sort of situation.

[ionotter.livejournal.com]

Never try to bluff a soldier.

They have no shame and no hesitation to get the job done. Your Suite of Considerable Inconvenience would speedily be converted using whatever tools came to paw.

[kistaro]

Surely there's something Sustenoc for that.