[Theoretical Thursday #1]

[sythyry]

Mirrored from Sythyry.

[OOC: Sythyry is going to fuss around, privately, with the theory of transaffection. If you want to comment, zie will pay attention and it may have an influence on how zir theories evolve. (Not necessarily the influence you want, but that's true with any theoretical discussion.) I will post the fussing on Thursdays, and keep actual story on MWF, or that's the plan. -bb]

I am now very, very confused, and apprehensive, and upset, and worried, and confused, and distressed, and perplexed, and confused, and confused.

1. Am I cisaffectionate really? I must admit that I responded to Saza as eagerly as I did to Arfaen or Thenel … maybe less than Mynthë? Or maybe I am not remembering that perfectly? It is decades ago now, and I did not write the details down.
2. If I’m really cisaffectionate, what should I do vis-a-vis Castle Wrong? Can I have an estate like Castle Wrong if I’m not actually wrong?
3. Haven’t I just betrayed most of my closest friends?
4. And/or I betrayed Tarfnie. In 4363, Tarfnie broke up with his Herethroy coloverfriend, and got involved with another Rassimel. There was Considerable Drama around this change, and even some Doom. In the end it was decided that Tarfnie was not traff, and, in fact, not Wrong, and so should no longer live in Castle Wrong. We’re still not really on speaking terms with Tarfnie. (This sort of thing has happened, with variations and complications, a number of times. Tarfnie is the one that stings the most of recent: he and I were very good friends beforehand.) And I didn’t behave that differently from Tarfnie.
5. Maybe I’m not really traff. I have never been much interested in Khtsoyis, or Sleeth, or Gormoror. Not really. If I were actually traff, I’d be just as excited by them as by Orren … right?
6. And Mynthë sometimes did tease me by turning into a Zi Ri and making out with me. Which I enjoyed as much as everything else with Mynthë, even if it was a bit perplexing and embarrassing.
7. Maybe I’m not really cissy, just, well, horny, and Saza was available. I’d have gone for a Rassy or a Cani just as fast, and an Orren much faster.
8. Wouldn’t I? How can I be sure of that?
9. If I’m really cisaffectionate … that would explain why I’m always so reluctant to get involved by my own clients. Right? ’cause I don’t really want to get involved with them, not really. I really want other Zi Ri, even if I won’t (wouldn’t?) admit it to myself. It all sort of hangs together, doesn’t it?
10. I’ll have to … move somewhere else where I can find lovers, right? One of the Zi Ri cities, or at least a city with more than one other Zi Ri in it. Where I will be (a) exceedingly young, and (b) have a terrible reputation as a traff pervert, so it won’t even work very well.
11. And abandon Castle Wrong and betray everyone in it.
12. Even if I like people of other species — like the more than my own — I am obviously a total slut, willing and eager to fornicate with anyone who shows me the least bit of interest or attention or affection.

I suppose I really ought to make up my mind: cisaffectionate? or transaffectionate? After more than a century of being traff, I think I have persuaded myself that transaffection is nearly as much an expression of true honest-to-gods love and pleasure as cisaffection is supposed to be. (For the record: I think I understand cisaffection better as of today, and I think I was completely right in all regards about transaffection.) So I’m really not abandoning it just because I’ll rip off my ribbons for the first vaguely appealing Zi Ri I happen to meet in an alley somewhere.

Even though, well, I basically did, didn’t I?

So I’m basically like Inconnu. Except that Inconnu is an honest and clear traff slut, and I am just a plain dishonest … libertine, I suppose. I suppose I’ll be holding that kind of party any day now, with wenezza cookies all ’round, and honest-and-honorable Phaniet will be pretending she doesn’t know me.

I’m babbling, aren’t I?

For the moment I will pretend that I am still the Sythyry I am used to, that everyone in Castle Wrong is used to, and perhaps I will sort this terrible mess out.

The Theory

The last century and a half has taught me that there are three sorts of primes:

Cisaffectionate	Capable of lusting for and loving their own species.
Transaffectionate	Capable of lusting for and loving all seven other species.
Libertine	Lusts for all eight species; incapable of love.

I have been assuming that I was transaffectionate, and that I actually loved Mynthë. I suspect now that I am actually a libertine, and I merely pretended to everyone (including myself) that I loved her.

Honestly I’d rather be cissy than a libertine.

Comments

[kensan-oni.livejournal.com]

Just a few thoughts...

12) Danm it, no. No. No. No. You have got it all wrong, and it's not even your fault. It's not even ANYONES fault. No one freaking understands sluts, damn it!

Look, Virtually, I am a slut. I fully admit it, and if circumstances were different, I'd probably would have been in real life, too. It's not about the sex. It's about the people. You care about people. You like people. You want to make people happy. Sex makes people happy. So you give it freely when asked (or offer) because it makes everyone happy, even if it's just for a little bit.

The definition of slut is "Unkempt and uncaring" and that isn't completely true. Well, at least in my case, the uncaring part is half true. I wouldn't care if other people cared. It's not about them, unless they really want it to be. It's about not being afraid of love.

In a way, it's helpful to others to be a slut, for they can start separating out different kinds of loves, and realize that what they think of as love isn't exactly what they really want. Although for some of them, that is exactly what they want, and that is fine and wonderful.

The point is that you DO NOT put down yourself for being a slut! It has all sorts of evil connotation that exist artificially from people that just don't understand. Heck, your Canni people probably understand better then anyone else.

(more...)

[kensan-oni.livejournal.com]

(Continuing to rant)

Look, Syth, let's just assume you don't know what love is. We can accept that. You know what FAMILY is, or maybe that's yet another thing Cani haven't taught you yet. You have built up a Clan, for pete sakes. You can't just go "Nope, I'm sorry. You all go to the five winds now, I've changed my mind." Like it or not, they're YOUR Family now. Even the ones that betrayed you (which goes off topic onto a different discussion). You have a responsibility to at least help keep them safe. Which is what Castle Wrong is.

If you are indeed as wealthy as 1/12th you said you were, and I suspect you might, then it should be no problem to erect another Manor. Heck, you ALREADY have another manor you can move into. There is no reason you can't just be a philanthropist and give the Traff Castle Wrong to maintain and be safe at, while perusing your other lifestyle somewhere else.

While you might hide from it, you are the Clan Chief. When you speak, generally people respect you, and try to help out and do what they can, because that is what Clan's do. Even if you don't really get along at times. Clans are simple and complex at the same time, but Clan is Clan, and you've made yours. Don't forsake them just because you are unsure of yourself!

[kensan-oni.livejournal.com]

(Darn no Editiing Fearture)

Change "It has all sorts of evil connotations" with the following "It has all sorts of evil connotations (that don't really exist)..."