[Theoretical Thursday #1]

[sythyry]

Mirrored from Sythyry.

[OOC: Sythyry is going to fuss around, privately, with the theory of transaffection. If you want to comment, zie will pay attention and it may have an influence on how zir theories evolve. (Not necessarily the influence you want, but that's true with any theoretical discussion.) I will post the fussing on Thursdays, and keep actual story on MWF, or that's the plan. -bb]

I am now very, very confused, and apprehensive, and upset, and worried, and confused, and distressed, and perplexed, and confused, and confused.

1. Am I cisaffectionate really? I must admit that I responded to Saza as eagerly as I did to Arfaen or Thenel … maybe less than Mynthë? Or maybe I am not remembering that perfectly? It is decades ago now, and I did not write the details down.
2. If I’m really cisaffectionate, what should I do vis-a-vis Castle Wrong? Can I have an estate like Castle Wrong if I’m not actually wrong?
3. Haven’t I just betrayed most of my closest friends?
4. And/or I betrayed Tarfnie. In 4363, Tarfnie broke up with his Herethroy coloverfriend, and got involved with another Rassimel. There was Considerable Drama around this change, and even some Doom. In the end it was decided that Tarfnie was not traff, and, in fact, not Wrong, and so should no longer live in Castle Wrong. We’re still not really on speaking terms with Tarfnie. (This sort of thing has happened, with variations and complications, a number of times. Tarfnie is the one that stings the most of recent: he and I were very good friends beforehand.) And I didn’t behave that differently from Tarfnie.
5. Maybe I’m not really traff. I have never been much interested in Khtsoyis, or Sleeth, or Gormoror. Not really. If I were actually traff, I’d be just as excited by them as by Orren … right?
6. And Mynthë sometimes did tease me by turning into a Zi Ri and making out with me. Which I enjoyed as much as everything else with Mynthë, even if it was a bit perplexing and embarrassing.
7. Maybe I’m not really cissy, just, well, horny, and Saza was available. I’d have gone for a Rassy or a Cani just as fast, and an Orren much faster.
8. Wouldn’t I? How can I be sure of that?
9. If I’m really cisaffectionate … that would explain why I’m always so reluctant to get involved by my own clients. Right? ’cause I don’t really want to get involved with them, not really. I really want other Zi Ri, even if I won’t (wouldn’t?) admit it to myself. It all sort of hangs together, doesn’t it?
10. I’ll have to … move somewhere else where I can find lovers, right? One of the Zi Ri cities, or at least a city with more than one other Zi Ri in it. Where I will be (a) exceedingly young, and (b) have a terrible reputation as a traff pervert, so it won’t even work very well.
11. And abandon Castle Wrong and betray everyone in it.
12. Even if I like people of other species — like the more than my own — I am obviously a total slut, willing and eager to fornicate with anyone who shows me the least bit of interest or attention or affection.

I suppose I really ought to make up my mind: cisaffectionate? or transaffectionate? After more than a century of being traff, I think I have persuaded myself that transaffection is nearly as much an expression of true honest-to-gods love and pleasure as cisaffection is supposed to be. (For the record: I think I understand cisaffection better as of today, and I think I was completely right in all regards about transaffection.) So I’m really not abandoning it just because I’ll rip off my ribbons for the first vaguely appealing Zi Ri I happen to meet in an alley somewhere.

Even though, well, I basically did, didn’t I?

So I’m basically like Inconnu. Except that Inconnu is an honest and clear traff slut, and I am just a plain dishonest … libertine, I suppose. I suppose I’ll be holding that kind of party any day now, with wenezza cookies all ’round, and honest-and-honorable Phaniet will be pretending she doesn’t know me.

I’m babbling, aren’t I?

For the moment I will pretend that I am still the Sythyry I am used to, that everyone in Castle Wrong is used to, and perhaps I will sort this terrible mess out.

The Theory

The last century and a half has taught me that there are three sorts of primes:

Cisaffectionate	Capable of lusting for and loving their own species.
Transaffectionate	Capable of lusting for and loving all seven other species.
Libertine	Lusts for all eight species; incapable of love.

I have been assuming that I was transaffectionate, and that I actually loved Mynthë. I suspect now that I am actually a libertine, and I merely pretended to everyone (including myself) that I loved her.

Honestly I’d rather be cissy than a libertine.

Comments

[redbird]

If point 5 makes you "not really traff," it also makes you not really a libertine: you don't lust sleeth, gormoror, or khtsoyis.

I also suspect that a lot of traff people are not, in fact, attracted to members of all seven other prime species. It's just that that's more noticeable in a zi ri, because of your long lives. If, say, a rassimel who is attracted only to cani finds a partner and settles down with zir, it may not matter much to them or anyone else whether they're eyeing the occasional orren or fantasizing about khtsoyis. You've known for a very long time that you prefer orren; I suspect that's still true, even if the list of primes you can be interested in is longer than you'd realized.

[rowyn]

It's worth noting that Sleeth, Khtsoyis, Gormorror, and for that matter Zi Ri, are all not only in the category of "Primes Sythyry has almost never been attracted to" but also in the category of "Primes that are much, much rarer than the other species".

If Sythyry was monogamous with Mynthe, then I believe zie has had, what, eight lovers in zir entire life? Out of how many hundreds or thousands of Primes zie has known? Almost all of whom would be Rassimel, Orren, Herethroy or Cani. Even if we assume zie has had ten times as many unfulfilled crushes as lovers, that still suggests there's a huge percentage of the population that zie never felt any particular interest in. Moreover, Khtsoyis, Sleeth, and Gormorror are all culturally *very* different from the other five Prime races. Finding one that zie was mentally compatible with would be quite a challenge, regardless of interest or lack thereof in the physical form.

So it wouldn't surprise me if what we're observing here is a personality bias rather than a physique bias. And it's more that zie hasn't met the right member of the remaining Prime species than that zie is categorically unattracted to those shapes.