(no subject)

[sythyry]

A Round of Introductions (Or Something) [7 Hispis 4385]

Mostly they went very politely.

Me:"Este, I'd like you to meet my long-lost cousin Sazandigraa. Saza, please meet Este, who is the Supreme Repairiste of That Which Is Splintered Assunder."

(Yes, we are on thusly informal terms already.)

Este:"It is my honor to meet you, Lord Sazandigraa."

Saza:"And it gives me great comfort to know that, should aught be splintered assunder in my dear coz' mysterious voyage, a Rassimel man of skill and dignity will be on hand to swiftly desplinter it."

See? It's not actually all that hard to be polite.

But sometimes this happens. Saza was sitting on Ochirion's shoulder, having just been introduced to the lad.

Me:"Grinwipey, I'd like [interrupted]"

Grinwipey:"I know what you'd like best, but my fudd-whucker ain't getting anywhere near your zoozoo."

Me:"That's not [interrupted]"

Grinwipey:"So I'll give you what you'd like second best, and me I'd like first best. Got my clubs right here, got your cousin right there. Ochirion, throw that lizard inna air, and we'll have some three-club music in whango-jango time!"

Me:"Grinwipey, I don't want [interrupted]"

Grinwipey:"Hey there, red and feathery! What kind of flowers you like on your burying shroud? I'm a good embroiderer, me! Lay you out like that pretty pretty pancake!"

Me:"Grinwipey, please [interrupted]!"

Saza:"Ooh, duelling time already? Sythyry, your champion is a veritable stallion of eagerness for a fight!"

Me:"He's not my champion, he's my seamstress!"

Grinwipey:"Ain't for Sythyry, 's for my uncle Eggnoster!"

Me:"What?"

Grinwipey:"Hey, red lizard, let's get shing on a wing and see if your blood matches your fluffies! You're brave enough to burn Eggnoster from the comfort 'n privacy of your very own lab while some snoofly little bit froddles you. Are you brave enough to go up sparrow-and-clam with me, right here right now?"

Saza:"Well, are you brave enough to spin the fancy keys with me?"

Me:"You don't have to accept that [interrupted]"

Grinwipey:"Sure as I can piss'n'whistle! Snaggardly little frosty-pet of an Oorish wizard!"

Saza:"Quite all right, coz. I won't hurt him very much, and then we'll get back to the proper etiquette with the rest of your crew."

Grinwipey:"It ain't gonna be this me that's hurting from cramming my good tolly-crack-up up your sweet little pishlet!"

Saza:"Quite so, my good squid, quite so." Zie produced a pair of ivory chopsticks from zir arsenal. "Whenever it meets your convenience, you may feel free to avenge your dear uncle."

Me:"No! Fighting! On! The! Yacht!"

Grinwipey:"This won't be so much a fight as it will be a pudding dance."

Phaniet:"No pudding dancing on the yacht!"

Me:"Grinwipey, stop that at once! Saza, I must apologize!"

Saza:"Well, coz, if you must, I suppose you must, but, seeing as I really did kill his uncle twice or thrice, I feel that I owe him a chance for similar treatment if he wants it."

Me:"You what?"

Grinwipey:"He gave my uncle the cacking pan and the churns! Couldn't statter for months afterwards, could poor old Eggnoster!"

Saza:"One pass at arms, my good squid, and that will be the end of the matter between us."

Grinwipey:"One pass at arms, you pus-crusted bustard, and that will be the giffering end of the matter! And of the tightness of your sphincters too!"

Vae:[whispered by a spell] "Not a bit was I teaching Grinwipey his manners, I swear it!"

Me:"Grinwipey! You didn't tell me you had a mortal enemy in Oorah Thrassen! 'specially one of my relatives!"

Grinwipey:"What you don't know, won't shuffle your duffle! Or maybe it will, haw!"

Saza:"When you are ready, my good squid."

Grinwipey:"That would be just ... about ... now." He curled a tentacle under his livery, and pulled out a club with a distinctly illegal spell on it .

Saza:"Oh, my. This could be bad."

Comments

[slrose.livejournal.com]

Doooom!

[kensan-oni.livejournal.com]

I WAS right! It is common to invite your zi-ri cousins to doom upon meeting them. :D

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

Well, at least there's a healer on hand for the duel. O.O

And a terrifying ophidian defense grid to reassemble the pieces if it's not exactly death that the club deals out. x.x

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Because Vae is so very very good at Healoc?

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

Well, I was thinking you'd handle the Healoc.

Vae could mutoc the illegal enchantment onto a hapless splinter if his club was enchanted to turn zir into a blossomary or something. Wait, that would be a perfectly legal enchantment -- if it was enchanted to make zir *think* zie was a blossomary!

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

Isn't involuntary mentador also illegal?

[kensan-oni.livejournal.com]

No, she's really good at Mutoc! She'll just change the dead body into a new living thing. ... of course, we can't be sure WHAT that living thing is, but she can do marvels with dead parts, I am sure!

[mmsword.livejournal.com]

Hm, there's a question for the ages: Which would hurt more for your cousin: getting extensive wounds healed via mutoc corpador or procreation...

[frunk-the-stick.livejournal.com]

*takes notes*

[sianmink.livejournal.com]

I had no idea Grinwipey had such a command of the slangular insulty speak. Though I guess that's fairly typical of the Khtsoyis.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

I, for my part, rarely know precisely what Grinwipey means, in anatomical detail.

Hopefully I will never learn.

[zeeth_kyrah]

I believe in this encounter, he's referring to at least three different holes in his enemy's body...

[gavinfox.livejournal.com]

Could someone translate the khytsoyis for me? I am trying to figure out what happened to Eggnoster. It sounds painful!

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Saza caught Eggnoster performing some activity that zie didn't much like, probably involving violence and/or theft. Saza killed Eggnoster a couple of times, put some sort of a curse on him (I presume) and sent him packing. I don't really want to ask either one of them for details just now.

[gavinfox.livejournal.com]

*reads what the khtsoyis said* ah! I see. Apparently some curse involving normal bodily processes, and making them not work like they should?

[rowyn]

I hope Saza doesn't damage your seamstress too badly. He's hard to replace.

And is that illegal spell still illegal where you are now? I don't know how laws work on airships outside of city limits.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Technically, um, I think Windigar is the law here, or maybe I am.

[rowyn]

I think that makes it you. I expect Windrigar is too wise to get stuck with being the law. >:)

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

*tries to figure out what sort of illegal spell would be useful to cast on a club*

[zeeth_kyrah]

A spell of ... hm. Transformation? Or maybe one that gives pain (or causes someone to think they're in pain), or destroys what it hits, or one that forces someone to lose their memory. I could see a Destroc Corpador spell being common enough, if nasty -- but a Destroc Mentador would be outright mean...

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

Generally speaking, hurting people with magic isn't very efficient.

If a khytsoyis hits you with a club, it'll probably do 3 - 5 life points of damage. To do a similar amount of damage would require a destroc corpador spell with a power of 30-50. Being able to spellbind that to a club would be a pretty serious piece of sorcery.

[ruscumag.livejournal.com]

Considering (1) Khtsoyis social customs, (2) the vocabulary discussion and evident personality of Grinwipey, and (3) the physiology of Zi Ri, the most obnoxious - and mentador, and thus illegal - effect that I can think of offhand for a Khtsoyis to put on a club to use against a Zi Ri would be something like New Feelings (Cr Me 20, and so reasonably within the range of magic available to Grinwipey) with Su or some other method of extending the duration. More specifically a spell with a general effect of “fall in love with me so madly that you will take any physical and magical measures necessary to bear a child by me”.
On the other hand, using a club with a spell like that on it would probably be worth twenty executions and being left dead.
Alternatively, “Illegal” could refer to “divine law” rather than to mentador: it’s not really likely, but who knows what some weird bit of offtree magic might do?

O_O

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

Wow. Clearly Grinwipey went to the Vorkosigan School of Etiquette. Somehow. Way to blow up a family gathering, dude.

[deor.livejournal.com]

side comment: why is Grinwipey your 'seamstress' instead of your tailor, when he is apparently male?

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

[Sythyry uses two words interchangeably, that mean "maker of fancy or foppish clothing". They both have connotations of effeminacy, though more of the clothing made than the maker. Neither one is sex-linked. (Sythyry uses both for zirself too, for what that's worth.) I translate one as 'couturier' and the other as 'seamstress'. The one translated as 'seamstress' has connotations of refinedness and gentleness, which is what Sythyry is really getting at: that word is not generally applied to a Khtsoyis. I suppose Sythyry is making Grinwipey seem more harmless than he would appear to be at first glance. And apparently, more harmless than he really is. -bb]

[And in some definitions, 'seamstress' can be applied to any person, though usually a female.]