(no subject)

[sythyry]

Pestering My Boyfriend [11 Lage 4261]

I really wanted Ilottat to come to dinner with me and Yylhauntra tomorrow. I am still trying to learn the best ways to persuade him to do such things. I cajoled -- I pestered -- I applied rational argument -- I wrapped a great deal of myself around a great part of him and then asked -- I pointed out the value to his career and his reputation -- I grovelled.

The grovelling worked.

Ilottat:"Certes, certes, I'll come along with you. I'm still worried."

Me:"Zie's not that dangerous. Zie can't eat any more of you than I can." Any references to what I had been doing ten minutes before are wholly unnecessary.

Ilottat:"I'm not worried about that."

Me:"Zie's quite harmless. Zie's not even exactly opposed to you ... or to us being lovers. Zie doesn't think it's a good idea, but zie's fine with it. Really! As long as you're not a nendrai or something."

Ilottat:"I've already agreed to go!"

Me:"And zie's been lots of places ... zie must know lots of languages. And you know a little about architecture, you can talk about that. I'll make sure zie doesn't ask any awful questions."

Ilottat:"Sythyry, will you please stop babbling and trying to talk me into it? I'm going, I'm going!"

And we got into a little fight about it again ... I can't explain what it was about. It didn't even make sense to me at the time. Fortunately it was pretty early in the evening and we had time to make up afterwards.

How do you get your lovers to do important social engagements and other things that they really ought to but would really rather not?

Comments

[goodluckfox.livejournal.com]

Do not try to MAKE me do anything I truly don't want to do. Whatever it is, it's not worth it.

Loxley

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

I don't generally. Have lovers, that is.

Maybe you could have stopped asking once he agreed? That always annoys me, although it's only mildly annoying, and I'll usually forgive people even if they don't have special means of making up.

Doing the dance...

[coppercheetah.livejournal.com]

Even though I am a monster, I do have a relationship that has been long-standing and stable, and as such, I think I can speak through my own experience on the matter, when it comes to persuasion of the uncomfortable:

Slap'im in a headlock as you explain the situation. Wrap him up into a pretzel while you then emphasize that this is important to you. Apply strong leverage while then further noting that it would be advantageous to him to also comply. And then lastly, when he submits to the unbearing weight of your argument, cuddle him thoroughly and pat his head, telling him what a good boy he is for agreeing.

*ahem*

Now, for the serious answer.

Honestly, the most important thing is to show that it is important to you. Important enough you are willing to do something to make it obvious that it is important. Some use force (as shown above), some use lust, others may use cold hard logic, but in any case, you have to do something out of the norm to make them stop and notice, and thus have their attention.

With an Orren, as they are so flighty and quick to be distracted by something new, you have more of a challenge than some. However, I think you have many ways you can imagine up to make yourself worth his attention long enough to then impress upon him the importance of the event.

And if he is disinclined... Go for the headlock again.

Re: Doing the dance...

[chipuni.livejournal.com]

I can hardly imagine how a small Zi Ri will headlock a much larger Orren...

...Perhaps after Sythyry casts Cloak of Another God and changes zirself into a Gormoror?

Re: Doing the dance...

[kistaro]

I don't know, zie's got a pretty long tail, doesn't zie?

Re: Doing the dance...

[coppercheetah.livejournal.com]

Dear Chip--This is Sythyry we're talking about!
You're thinking of the wrong head. Enough said.

Re: Doing the dance...

[kensaro.livejournal.com]

Mmm, I for one would become quite compliant if I had a lizard-type creature, posessing fangs and claws wrapped around my head (either one actually.)

Re: Doing the dance...

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

A sleeth would be much the cuter!

Re: Doing the dance...

[mufi.livejournal.com]

..the wrestling sleeth does not use paws for a headlock.

A sleeth uses jaws.

And threatens to bite down.

[redbird]

I either use rational argument, or I say something that translates to "Please do this for me, I value it a lot." And I don't use the latter very often: it works to the extent that one's lovers believe that one is only asking this for things that really are important.

And yes, it can be hard to realize when to stop persuading someone, especially when they agree but stay they're still worried. Did you ever find out what Ilottat was worried about?

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Oh, nothing but the usual fear of being seen as traff in public. Perhaps with extra fear of confronting a Very Old Person who has some reason to care that he's traff.

[stryck.livejournal.com]

I ask very nicely, say it's important to me, and then offer to do something fun for/with him afterwards.

Usually works.

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

I eat him.

*smirk*

[collie13.livejournal.com]

I'm heavy into the strictly rational approach: I pick the right time (like, not when they're head-down in a project), then ask nicely and explain why it's important to me. I'll give them the occasional timely reminder too, so even if they forget it's not a shock of (for example) 5 minutes or less to get ready.

I'll also accept "no" as an answer (rare though that is) since it's also always accompanied by an explanation of why not -- and I'm willing to go on my own if necessary. I have a sweetie who I think is pretty amazing, though. ;)