The Inducements of Inconnu: Boys of Ulmarn, part 7

[sythyry]

Mirrored from Sythyry.

Pirly got a frown from the concierge at the Hotel of Hopeful Habitations. Surely she did not realize that Pirly was a prostitute, and an unsuccessful transaffectionate one at that. More likely she was under the impression, probably true, that she would be the one obligated to clean up the dripping of mud, blood, and wine that Pirly was tracking on the floor. However, she did allow him to pass, and even grudgingly admitted that Inconnu was in room eighteen, and, unless he had somehow snuck past her, was there now, and had said that he was willing to receive guests.

Pirly hesitated at the door to room eighteen. “This is surely some new phase of misadventure I am about to inflict upon myself,” he told himself. “Yet, I am lozenless, I am jobless, I am far from home, and I am injured and filth-besmirched. To these temporary-sounding accidents I will have to add, I am transaffectionate, and I am guildless, both of which are qualities which are unlikely to change, and both of which are likely to cause the prior unfortunate circumstances to recur. It is either knocking on a door such as this, or some form of suicide. And, I daresay, suicide will still be an option after knocking at this door — or, if I am unfairly lucky, the occupant of this room will kill me without much ado — while this door will not be an option when I am in the grave. If anybody bothers to bury me, of course. Ulmarn has not been generous with anything during my life; why should they be after my death?”

So he knocked.

Inconnu answered. The relevant part of Inconnu is the hat, which is broad and brown felt, with a brass buckle in the shape of a mythical gargoyle, (recall that metal is rare on the World Tree, so that using it for ornamentation is quite ostentatious), and set with seven fantastically-dyed feathers, characteristic of all prime species save the Orren — that is, save his own. Inconnu, personally, is the sort of person who would wear a hat like that. He is an Orren, blatantly an adventurer, and blatantly traff.

“Thefefy’s mustard, O Rassimel! You’re in a sorry state! What horrible fate has befallen you? Tell me, tell me — while I repair the damage!” cried Inconnu passionately. He brushed Pirly with a gleaming ivory bangle, so that Pirly’s wounds closed, and then with an embroidered bookmark, so that Pirly’s clothes were instantly rendered clean and fresh. (Not my work! I rarely have time to make such trinkets anymore. My apprentice Feralan made them both last year, as practice-pieces. I am unclear as to how Inconnu wound up with them. I suspect Feralan put them into our general adventuring supplies.)

Pirly was a bit bewildered. “I’m sorry, but I haven’t the money to pay you for the use of your cley.”

Inconnu shook his head, which, for Inconnu, is an elaborate wriggle which jiggles him from ears to tailtip. “Think nothing of it, O Rassimel! Thefefy’s femur, man, I would not cast spells for you without asking and then charge you for them! Besides I did not cast the spells myself — I am an elegant and successful adventurer, among other things, and I have many magical devices about me for uses as practical as healing, and as differently-practical as grooming!”

Pirly sat on a tooled-leather ottoman, and looked around the hotel room, hung with tapestries and the portraits of a previous generation of nobility. “I can’t argue with the elegance or successfulness, if you rent rooms like this. What adventure are you on now?”

Inconnu smiled. “An easy, if very practical, sort of adventure, by Thefefy’s button mushroom! I stride from city to city, seeking qualified individuals for this or that form of employment in Kismirth. Ah? What is this? I detect that you frown just a touch, but your ears perk up? There is a curiosity on you, you have a question or a wonderment or simply a hope?”

“I do need a job,” said Pirly quietly. “The … someone suggested that you might be hiring people like me.”

Inconnu brushed his whiskers with a white-gloved hand. “By Thefefy’s neti pot, The Someone may well be right! What sort of person are you? What, even, has the dignity and honor to be your name?”

“I’m Pirly oa Nespite … I’m … well … I don’t talk about it very much, but …” He trailed off.

Inconnu smiled. “I shall hazard a hypothesis, by Thefefy’s calliope! I shall give a guess! You are one of those far-too-rare individuals whose capacity for love and the related emotions — which provide all true brightness in the World Tree! — extends far beyond the bounds of his own species. Not to mince words about it, for I save the sharp edge of my sabre for more wicked foes than words, but you are transaffectionate!” He grinned. “And, not to put too fine a point on it, I am as well.”

Pirly simply nodded. It can be hard to get a word in edgewise past Inconnu, even when he stops talking.

“And, indeed, all sorts of people in Castle Wrong — which forms the moral, spiritual, and financial core of Kismirth — are transaffectionate as well. It is a topic which we understand in great and intimate detail, by Thefefy’s duck-press! Indeed, Castle Wrong was founded for the express purpose of the protection and advancement of people such as you are, and I am. When I first joined I was in circumstances no better than your own, and now — my situation has improved somewhat!” Inconnu grinned a huge and self-satisfied grin.

Pirly was not utterly reassured. “What sort of job is it?”

“That depends somewhat on your inclinations and talents, by Thefefy’s lobelias!” proclaimed Inconnu.

“I like Herethroy especially,” said Pirly, his ears flat, his tail tucked between his legs. “I, well, I do, I can do…” He trailed off, unsure of just what to say, and nearly as ashamed of saying it as he was of doing it.

Inconnu smiled tolerantly. “Ah, you must be the journeyman printer, currently renowned in story and song throughout Ulmarn! I delight in the occasional Herethroy myself, by Thefefy’s occo buco! And I delight them quite thoroughly, too. And do you seek to make this hobby into an actual profession? That may well be possible! But you seem nervous, you seem downcast. We have positions that allow you to keep your clothing on and your chastity, or lack thereof, to your own schedule.”

“Do I need to decide now?” asked Pirly, who was unsure of what he was getting himself into.

“It is no such emergency, by Thefefy’s insignificant monstrance! Indeed, as I observe your tremulous uncertainty, I forbid you to decide until you have seen your choices in detail! You have guessed about the positions providing intimate services to guests of other species — or even the same species, we do not utterly despise the cisaffectionate when they come a-touristing! And I have hinted about a position as a croupier running gambling games, as well as many more mundane and less specialized positions as cooks, waiters, guards. And printers, if the guild will have you back — no? Very well. There are other choices in a variety of degrees. You are pretty enough and lithe enough to do well as an exotic dancer, I should think!”

Pirly smiled a bit. “Thank you… um … it’s been a very bad day … do I have to demonstrate for you?”

Inconnu flung his arms apart. “What? Shall I make an insistent demand upon your body and your favors, waving the prospect of an enticing job over your head as a way to get you to drop trou? No, no, a thousand times no, by Thefefy’s forgotten orrery! Should you ever wish to behave unchastely with me, it is your choice and your choice alone — though I shall accept if my tyrannical schedule permits!”

“I’m glad to hear that. It’s especially Herethroy, for me … and it has been a terrible day … I mean, if I’m going to be a professional, I should be able to please anyone … and it’s not like I’ve never been with an Orren before … but … I might be a croupier … that shouldn’t be very …” babbled Pirly.

“It requires that you dress quite sharply and act masterful and supremely attentive,” said Inconnu. “You should be a natural at it, by Thefefy’s ostentatious barnacles!” Which might have been optimism or encouragement, or simply insight.

Pirly cocked his head. “Thank you. One other question, if I may?”

“Anything! We have no secrets in Kismirth — save, of course, the secrets of our customers, which are as sancrosanct as Thefefy’s moratorium!”

“Who is this Thefefy you keep talking about? I never heard the name before.”

Inconnu smiled. “Ah — Thefefy is a god of a nearby universe, whom I had the honor to defeat a few years ago.

Pirly’s eyes came as big as suns. “You defeated a god?”

“I did, indeed! She thought it was a combat — and by some standards she won that part of it. She is a god, after all. But it was actually a contest of will and intellect, and she had no victory overall! But that is a story for another time, and a more plentiful supply of brandy and small salty comestables,” said Inconnu. (We have long since given up trying to persuade Inconnu to keep quiet about his fight with the god, which was a horrible and unfortunate event. But we have, at least, trained him to be clear that he is not as powerful as a god, nor anywhere close. In point of fact, Thefefy had every advantage over Inconnu, and killed him many times; but Inconnu held her attention for long enough for us to accomplish certain hurried and foolish objectives that she could easily have prevented had Inconnu not been so intense. But even the meanest victory over a god is an impressive deed indeed, and he did endure her wrath for quite a long while, so Inconnu’s boasting may be forgivable or at least understandable. I do not, however, know if she has a twelfth part of the odd items he attributes to her. She and I were never on the most social of terms.)

Rather unsurprisingly, Inconnu did let Pirly sleep in his hotel room that night, and for the two further nights that they stayed in Ulmarn. I have heard a thousand stories about what happened in those nights. They cannot all be true. Indeed, I am not sure that any of them can be true, except the one concerning Pirly and the Herethroy co-lover that Inconnu recruited as an exotic dancer. But that story consists almost entirely of details of a sort that should not be shared, except that they are the sort of thing that Pirly is known to do, and so it must remain unstated.

Comments

[rowyn]

Hee! I am thinking that, not only does Thefefy not have a neti pot, but that there is no need for on in all her little universe.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

What -- Mircannis has denied her creations the joys of nasal irrigation? Woe! So woe!

[delight-in.livejournal.com]

Ohh Inconnu saved Pirly that's good I wonder if he'd like being a prostitute if he wasn't forced by desperation into it it really sounds like a horrible awful job to me I'd rather sell cley even and I don't want to do that! But I'm sure some people mind a lot less.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Well -- do you have any hobbies? Would you like to get paid for them?

Pirly's hobby seems to be pleasing Herethroy.

In any case, it is not the best job. Pirly might choose to be a croupier, a chef, an accountant, an actor upon the stage! We will see.

[delight-in.livejournal.com]

Noooo not really? I mean I have hobbies OF COURSE and I love furstyling and enchanting is fun at least for the first week or two and I can spend all of hot Surprise swimming and void dancing is wonderful BUT doing pretty much anything as a JOB makes it WAY LESS FUN.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Ah, you are a perfect Orren. Pirly is a perfect Rassimel, though.

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

Heehee. "I could commit suicide, or I could do this unpleasant thing. How can I decide? I know! I'll do both!"

I guess talking to Inconnu isn't actually a fate worse than death. Now that he's mellowed out a bit.

[rowyn]

I have often postponed killing myself on the grounds that I could always do it *later*. n.n

[cowboy-r.livejournal.com]

It's a comforting thought, really, that you can still die later, if things don't go well here.

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

At some point I expect Thefefy to notice her name being taken in vain and come on out to pay Inconnu a visit. ^_^

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Thefefy is an infinite distance away, and probably unable to leave Heaven in any case.

[ionotter.livejournal.com]

Mmm, yes, well...in the realm of Monsters, we have our own gods, some of which may or may not be real. One of those gods is so particularly foul and horridly evil, that to merely speak it's name is to risk invoking their wrath, if not their actual presence! Naturally, speaking it's name is said to irritate the deity in question, much as the buzzing of insects around one's head. The more you speak their name, the more likely they are to appear and instruct you-and all around you-on the finer nuances of subtle sobriquetion.

Needless to say, pronouncing their name in polite company is considered a gross faux-pas.

Of course, this has prompted a few particularly daring-reckless?-souls to have this name printed on various objects where passerby are highly likely to not only see them, but speak the name out loud in curiosity.

One can only hope that the entertainment value of such things remains entirely hypothetical.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

You live in a wondrous world indeed! And an unsafe one, it sounds like.

[vik_thor]

Hmmm... After finding out all the backstory, I wonder if the Printer's Guild in Kisimirth might be interested in continuing Pirly's apprenticeship? Would solve several problems, especially if he promises NOT to do the extracurricular acts that landed him in this situation in the first place?

(sorry haven't commented more... Fallen a bit behind on reading... :(

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

I don't know that we have much of a Printer's Guild. It's not one of the great multi-branch guilds, I don't think. If we have one, he'd need someone with some influence in the local branch of the guild to help out with it -- which Inconnu could surely find. If we don't have one, he could probably be a founding member of it.

If he had wanted, rather. He speaks bitterly about guilds whenever the subject comes up -- he has been rather harsh about the Healers' Guild, surely one of the sweetest guilds around, more than once.

He chose a path for himself out of a great number of choices we presented to him -- by "we" I mostly mean "Inconnu and Arfaen" -- and seems to be staying with it for now.

If he wants to become a printer again at some point, I daresay he'll have plenty of friends to help him. He's rather a sweet young Rassy, and knows how to use that fact.

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

If we have one, he'd need someone with some influence in the local branch of the guild to help out with it

I'm pretty sure you going "Pirly is in the Kismirth printers guild, if you wish to continue operating in this city, it better be your Kismirth's printers guild that he is in" would qualify as "some influence".

[ionotter.livejournal.com]

"...he has been rather harsh about the Healers' Guild..."

Good Heavens! What on Wood could the Healer's Guild have done to warrant such harshness??? Was it their lack of providing aid when he was beaten? Or is there a story we've not heard yet?

[relee.livejournal.com]

Pirly wasn't ousted because he was trans, that just threw oil on the fire. He was ousted because he was whoring himself out to Herethroy. That's a pretty unneccesary thing; he could have had lots of hot transaffectionate love outside of the office, but instead he had it in the washroom with the customer.

Given how absolutely optional and obviously wrong it was, I don't think anybody can expect him not to do it. Clearly, whoring himself out was his one true passion, and he was merely forcing himself to be a printer due to some social pressures. In Kismirth he will be free to be his true self, and follow his true path.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Well, he wasn't technically charging anything. Sure, he was getting extra business for the shop...

But the point is well taken. If Pirly had been Herethroy, there is no possible way the two of them could have fit in that washroom it would have been nearly as bad. The guildmaster might have been a bit less offended, given Pirly an extra day to get out ... but I cannot accuse the master of prejudice against the traff.

[relee.livejournal.com]

I'm glad Pirly found Inconnu. It would be sad if he died from death.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

For every Pirly who finds Inconnu, there are zero or more other Pirlies who don't.

[relee.livejournal.com]

Yeah but you're not telling stories about them. o.o;;

[cowboy-r.livejournal.com]

Thefefy’s forgotten orrery

That sounds like an adventure waiting to happen....

But wait...

Wouldn't a world tree Orrery be kind of boring? Just a stick with a ball going around it?

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Not at all! We've got a great deal of stuff in the sky that moves around!

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

I once had an idea for a Rasmiel who's obsession was trying to build a giant orrery of the world tree sky. Given that a lot of things in the sky have free will and do not move around in a deterministic manner, this in pracitce mence they'd spent their lives building complication after complication onto the mechanism to explain their nightly readings.