Investigating Tofyofs [8 Nivvem 4385]

[sythyry]

Mirrored from Sythyry.

Extra post, and extra-long post, in thanks for extra donations!

I acquired invitations for certain students to visit with some actual Hanijans who had some actual tofyofs. The students:

1. Vind: a graduate student, out to prove that, under certain social pressures (such as those present in Hanija), transaffection can be induced in most primes.
2. Alzagonde: another graduate student, on the prowl for means to prevent transaffection.
3. Invincible Fire Demon: a junior student out for adventure.
4. Prince Rastomil: a prince, a student, a doom magnet.
5. Jyondre: not technically a student, but interested. Yerenthax begged off for some reason.

The natives:

1. Heni: A Rassimel woman, the eldest daughter of the head of the local Healer’s Guild chapter (which is how I caused this encounter to encount)
2. Zu-Sum: Heni’s wife.
3. Atuta: Heni’s tofyof.
4. Jong: Zu-Sum’s tofyof.

I first tried to have Heni’s family visit Strayway, but they would not hear of it. Heni is newly pregnant, and does not want to come into the presence of nendrai, Locador demons, foreign wizards, imposing Tempador spells, three-headed antelopes made of green glass and green copper and green emerald, or whatever else.

I tried as second to have Heni’s family meet the natives in their home. This was quietly but politely refused. A quiet chat with Zu-Sum revealed that the home was quite small — Hanijan homes often are — and quite crowded with bassinets, comforters, baskets full of diapers, soft blankets, stuffed guntries (the cloth kind), giant turnips, jugs of babywine, and all the assorted paraphernalia of impending parentry. Besides, inviting someone to one’s home is quite offensive; proper entertaining is done in an entertainment-hall. (I apologized for my initial invitation to Strayway; the apology was graciously accepted.)

So: Khi-Dini Entertainment Hall. An old and tall building, grown over with ivy and flowering myrtle. The central courtyard is a lovingly-groomed garden, centered on a pair of fountains in a precisely-irregular pond stocked with glowing golden eels. Aromatic pines and kethlef trees bent their heads over the pool, shadowing it so that the light of the eels was all the more visible. Planters around the walls poured forth still showers of winter-blooming flowers. The room that Heni had chosen had a large but screened window to the courtyard: easy to see out of, hard to see in. I presume that all the other rooms of Khi-Dini were similarly equipped.

Inside the room itself: eight huge embroidered cushions, big enough for a Rassimel to sprawl full-length if desired. Scrolls on the walls showing elegant roundletter calligraphy. (If anyone could read it, they must be quite educated, or perhaps the schools in Hanija teach it; that is the first sub-alphabet invented on the World Tree. I don’t know it myself.) A table against the wall, with a meal pre-arranged so that the entertainment could proceed uninterrupted. It was centered on a samovar of a thin aromatic broth. One could fill a bowl with fur-thin shrimp noodles, slivered herbs, slivered carrots, slivered frozen beef, slivered garlic, slivered anythings at all, and then pour boiling broth over it. And then — if one were feeling ovivorous — one could crack an egg into it, thereby cooling the broth and cooking the egg. (If one were feeling small and heat-resistant, one could skip this step.). Also, there were small spicy pancakes, and sweet dumplings, and tiny but very boring cookies, and sparkling wine, and bitter tea.

And, of course, social disasters.

Heni and her entourage were waiting in the room at noon when the students got there. This might have been politeness, or practicality, or because the students got a bit lost in the unfamiliar streets of Hanija. The Hanijans curtsied to the students, and offered them mango-berries and wine in greeting.

Prince Rastomil, highest-ranking of the Strayway contingent, performed the introductions on their side. He offered gifts of paper and perfume, as books of Hanijan etiquette suggested, and was in all ways polite and genteel, as if he had been trained in it from birth, which he had. Jyondre did not in the slightest discredit us, and Alzagonde and Invincible Fire Demon did their best to be charming and socially appropriate.

Vind all but burst into tears at the sight of Atuta. “You … you are Heni’s tofyof?”

Atuta smiled quite gently. “I do have that honor, respected foreign gentleman!”

Vind wailed, “But you — you are Rassimel!”

Atuta smiled quite gently. “I have that honor as well, respected foreign gentleman. As do you, if these unworthy eyes are correct.”

Vind moaned, “But … if you are someone’s tofyof, may you be the same species as the someone?”

Atuta nodded, “That is our custom, respected foreign gentleman. Is it different in the honored cities from which you come?”

Vind threw himself to the floor and wailed, “My thesis! My impressive, branch-shaking thesis!”

Invincible Fire Demon took Vind to the side, and administered sparkling wine and soft words until he was calmer. Jyondre attempted diplomacy, saying, “We were under the impression that a tofyof was a different-species lover, such as, if I am not mistaken, Jong is.”

Heni said, “No, no, I’m sure there’s nothing about species in the tofyof laws. Certainly they can be any species! Atuta is a proper and completely legal tofyof. So is Jong! We have been careful — we do everything nicely with the laws and the customs of Hanija. There is nothing wrong!”

Prince Rastomil curled his tail. “Oh, don’t give it a second thought! Of course there is nothing wrong — we are hardly trying to find a wrong thing here! We are students taking courses in the study of transaffection, of the love between different species. We had simply understood that that is what the word “tofyof” meant. Poor Vind had done a great deal of research based on the meaning we had, evidently, gotten quite wrong.”

Jong curtsied to Zu-Sum. “May I explain to the noble foreign prince?” Zu-Sum gave her assent with a quick smile. Jong said, “It is an honor and a privelege to be a tofyof to a good woman such as Zu-Sum or Heni. But not all tofyof-keepers are as kind and good as they are, and in more barbaric ages, they sometimes were not. So there are many laws about what can be done or cannot be done to a tofyof. I can be beaten for infidelity, but not for disobedience — I am tofyof, not a servant! I must be given gifts and monies on a specified rate for my future, and they must be placed in accounts which Zu-Sum has no commanding over. I can be divorced without my consent, as Heni cannot be, but if I am divorced I must be given certain payments as compensation. At the end of seven years I may divorce Zu-Sum if I wish…”

Zu-Sum petted Jong’s head fondly. “Actually, the divorce is automatic unless you choose to renew your tofitude. This is her second year with me, so it is too soon to think about that.”

Jong wagged her tail. “And that is what it means to be a tofyof in Hanija.”

Invincible Fire Demon curtsied. “Just to check that I understand: being a tofyof is somewhat like being a spouse? It is a relationship of love — spiritual and physical?”

Vind moaned, “Marriage is not about love in Hanija!”

Zu-Sum dipped her head. “I do not wish to disagree with the honored and learned foreign visitor, but marriage can be about love, even in Hanija. I love Hani, respectfully for any argument.”

“Do you at least love Jong too?” asked Vind in an ashen voice.

“Of course I do; she is quite a dear,” said Zu-Sum. (Back at home, these words were greatly debated. Does Zu-Sum love her tofyof the same way she loves her wife? Perhaps both are romantic love, but the different phrasing comes from the different status of the two women? Perhaps she loves her wife romantically, and her tofyof as a pleasing concubine? We are not sure, and we are not sure if we are even allowed to pose the question.)

“And, honored and learned foreign visitors, do not think that I love Atuta any less! My recent increase could hardly have been accomplished with simply my wife’s help alone — nor with the help of any Cani, no matter how beautiful and kind,” added Heni, patting her barely-swelling belly.

“Well, that sort of assistance is not unknown to us, though our customs of marriage and transaffection are rather different from yours, O honored and high-ranking Hanijans!” said Jyondre, and told about how Este has helped certain Rassimel women have children.

“But he was not their tofyof?” asked Heni. “In Hanija, only a husband or a male same-species tofyof should sire children upon one. Without that, they are adulterous and not legitimate.”

“Well, we don’t have all those options, since there’s nothing like a tofyof in central Ketheria. The children are not legitimate. We love them nonetheless!”

And the conversation moved to discuss the love, virtues, and care of (a) children, and (b) soup. The soup was quite good. The children most thoroughly in mind might be good too, but they have not been born yet, so it’s hard to tell.

Poor Vind tried his best to be good as well, but it is hard to be good when your grand thesis has just fallen to bits.

Comments

[redbird]

Poor Vind, so much theory built on so few facts. He may make a decent student yet, though: he is weeping, not attacking the people who have corrected him. (And if he goes back and yells at those who misled him, maybe they too will learn something.)

There are many marriages on my world that did not start because of love, but for reasons such as politics, money, or the desire for children. In some of those, love may grow over time, if the people are fortunate and do not feel pressed. (I have heard of a place where marriages are mostly arranged by parents. Some young men there have commented that they expected to fall in love with their wives, because the marriage had been arranged by their parents, who loved them and knew them better than anyone else. If this was not just being polite or putting the best face on things, those youths are closer to their parents than I was to mine at that age.)

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Vind has a long way to go to come up to Strayway's usual doom levels. If he were really doomy, he would now plot to kill everyone who he knows witnessed the explanation, sneak back home, and publish his thesis to establish himself as the expert, and then, in a few years, "discover" certain details of tofyofitude that he could then publish as an expansion of his thesis rather than a "correction"... etc etc etc.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

We are not that bad!

... are we?

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

Oh, no. What heavenscalyx outlines is a dishonest form of doom, whereas Strayway tends toward the honest but miscommunicated form of doom.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Arranged marriages are quite common here too.

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

We are not sure, and we are not sure if we are even allowed to pose the question

Was there perhaps any chance to speak to Zu-Sum privately to ask some more pointed questions?

[kris-schnee.livejournal.com]

I've heard of the idea that one should ask outsiders, "What obvious obnoxious mistakes might I make as an ignorant foreigner, that I should know about?" Sythyry ought to learn to do that... and to have a suitable hovering, glowing plaque in zir skyboat's entryway for zir own guests.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

[I will not tell zir that! Zie might do it, and that would cut my stories in half!]

[gavinfox.livejournal.com]

Will zie eventually learn how to ask that, at some point?

[rowyn]

I hope this quartet is as happy as they sound. They come off very well.

Did the students ask how Hanijans make their arrangements for tofyof and marriages? I am quite curious how they met their tofyofs and spouses, and whether these things are arranged on the behalf of the participants, and what influence Jong had in the matter of becoming Zu-Sum's tofyof, and so forth. Can a tofyof be someone else's spouse, either before or after divorce?

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

These are interesting questions! Perhaps they will be answered at some point.

[arenhaus.livejournal.com]

Sythyry calling someone a "doom magnet" is unbearably cute.

[ragarth.livejournal.com]

Poor Vind! But let him be a lesson, Sociology is decidedly difficult to do in the realm of pure theory. It's best done with hard data like statistics, longitudinal studies, or observation.

[bloofox.livejournal.com]

The soup you describe reminds me in some ways of a fine and wonderful
delicacy in my world. The best of all possible soups that wise and
vicious often people say that I must have.

[gavinfox.livejournal.com]

...What?

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

Based on the description, it sounds a lot like Phở

[chipuni.livejournal.com]

The soup DOES sound wonderful.

I, and my work team, had something very similar a few weeks ago, though we would cook our solid food in the shared samovar, rather than in the individual bowls. This meeting place was far less gracious: a place for workers to eat, not for entertaining.

[mmsword.livejournal.com]

Vind still hasn't learned the fine student trait of re-framing utter failure into success with slightly larger error margins.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

He's had only a few minutes, as of this entry! I thought his next move was quite credible.

[mmsword.livejournal.com]

He still needs to work on improving the turnaround on that by thesis defense time.

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

And of course, like the pizza, here I imagine Sythyry curling up in the broth to sleep. -.- That would probably be rude, though, or at least messy.

[rowyn]

Just as well that zie was not there to add to the social doom! Or maybe distract from it, in this case.

[kensan-oni.livejournal.com]

A good Soup is the perfect Hot Tub.

[kris-schnee.livejournal.com]

As an immortal, do you find it harder to learn new skills after a century, or to remember old ones? Is there some limit to the extent of your memory? We've wondered about a possible lifespan limit of around 120 local years, possibly due to mental as well as physical limits.

Writing a thesis doesn't necessarily need to confirm the original idea! My own proposed a possible connection between a modern and historical event, discussed the older one, then concluded they had little in common.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

I'm a fair bit older than 120 years, even going by calendar time.

I didn't notice any particular slowing of my intellect. Perhaps that is a symptom of slowing of the intellect, of course. But to myself, I seem as clever -- and as foolish -- as when I was only a couple decades out of the shell.

My grandparents are 4380 years old and seem similarly unimpaired.

Perhaps your thesis was not in the Lord Blessing Department of Transaffectionate Studies or whatever it's called?

[kibbe.livejournal.com]

Humm, sounds like thay have a rather diferent view of transaffection. Seems like the marrage is something you do out of social pressure/perental orders, and your tof is the person you take as the one you love. Interesting idea on how to deal with it. Sorta an upfront and above the table thing of what the nobility did in the middle ages under the table.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

[Something like that -- we'll see more!]

[archadia.livejournal.com]

Yeah I don't get it. I am confused.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

If you ask a more detailed question, I shall attempt to answer it.

[archadia.livejournal.com]

I guess I don't understand ... all of them are Rassimel, but if they weren't it would be illegal?
Actually I don't understand why this is a subject of study in the first place. It seems like something very personal. A personal preference. But I suppose there are people/monsters that study why some people/monsters like sweets and some like spicy so I don't know.
Is there a lucrative living to be made by the study of transaffection?

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Three of them are Rassimel -- the two wives, and Atuta (Rassimel man, and tofyof of Heni). Jong is a Cani woman, and tofyof of Zu-Sum.

[Bard notes that anthropology, sociology, and other social sciences are quite legitimate and ordinary -- and fascinating! -- topics of study terrestrially. The students are in a similar field on the World Tree. They're in the subsection of that department, one of eighteen-I-think-it-was sections, concerning the transaffectionate. Yes, it's very personal, but people are nosy, and social scientists are professionally nosy.]

Prof. Mump certainly has a high-status job studying transaffection. I believe that most of his students will not follow his path. An advanced degree in the Behavior of Primes from Lord Caring University is a good start on any professional career involving the behavior of primes, such as the civil service (especially the state department), law, politics, and so on --- this is the goal of most of the students. Alzigonde has her own goal of course, and I believe Vind has or had academic aspirations.

Does this help? I will be glad to explain more if you like!

[archadia.livejournal.com]

It does help.... I guess I just never considered sociology in such a way but it makes it make more sense.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

[Me neither, 'til I got to this plot line. But it does kinda make sense that a degree in studying people would be useful for someone who works with people. That's true in some areas (social work), but other people-oriented studies don't often start with social sciences (law degrees, management)]

[ragarth.livejournal.com]

I recently took a class in Sociology and my professor was a member of the IRB. He's done a wide range of studies, but mostly on young-adults and teenagers in the penal system. More specifically, their social interactions with each other, with the staff, and how to both control and enhance the message they're supposed to get from being in the juve system.

[archadia.livejournal.com]

Please know that I am not doubting sociology. I was merely confused on how studying transaffection or people's love and bed habits, could possibly be lucrative.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Oh -- lucrative it might not be! It's certainly not that likely to be lucrative for its own sake, though a good degree from Lord Caring is worth a great deal.

[ragarth.livejournal.com]

It probably isn't. :-) But then, scientists rarely do the job of sciencing out of an interest for money. If scientists wanted cash, they'd be lawyers or doctors.

Re: Nice blog

[archadia.livejournal.com]

No you wouldn't. Lies and lies you advertising lot of nothing! *throws various types of hairbrushes at you*

Re: Nice blog

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

[Y'know, some day they'll learn to find a noun in the text of the entry, and write "I am always interested in reading about tofyofs and similar kinds of things", and then we'll laugh more before we spam them.]

Re: Nice blog

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]