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Originally published at Sythyry. Please leave any comments there.

Small Monsters [17 Chirreb 4261]

But don’t get the impression that my life is made up
entirely of gigantic monsters and transaffectionate
relationships. Sometimes it’s made of tiny monsters and
transaffectionate relationships.

Sprillet and Pazi-Pazi have formed an alliance, which they
would surely be calling the Legion of Super-Evil if they
could talk. Fortunately, they can’t — it’s a very rare cat
who can say even a few words, and I don’t think that
blossomaries can say much more than flower names and
enthusiastic squeakage.

Anyways, some deeds of the Legion of Super-Evil. The precise
mechanisms are subject to debate, but the results are clear
enough.

1. They constructed a catapult out of dry pasta and
   Narngi’s laces and everyone’s skewers, and used it to adorn
   the walls with bits of tomato and butter. Then they tossed
   the catapult into the kitchen stove fire.
2. They disintegrated Agrimony’s tickets to The Spangler of
   New Kottarnu, thereby disintegrating his chances with the
   woman and co-lover he was hoping to date. Or,
   alternatively, Dustweed had already disintegrated the
   chances. The tickets were certainly gone.
3. They summoned a nendrai to plague (1) Vheshrame, and (2)
   me. I was originally blaming this on Ghirbis, but that
   doesn’t make sense … if Ghirbis had summoned the nendrai,
   Floooosh wouldn’t be getting any money from it. Ghirbis
   isn’t very fond of Floooosh sometimes.
4. They carefully adorned Ghirbis’ thesis with mystical
   symbols and archaic death runes of candlewax — symbols and
   runes which will bring doom and pain to anyone who reads
   them. I think some of the runes got into the grammar, too.
   I know that causes doom and pain to anyone who reads
   it — Ghirbis had me proofread it.
5. They finished a week’s worth of cat-and-blossomary food
   in two days.
6. They knocked over a stack of porcelain plates, and broke
   three of them.
7. They cast The Curse of the Hateful and Gelatinous
   Darkness Full Of Spinning Heads on me. It wasn’t the
   brandy I was drinking in place of the evening with Ilottat
   that didn’t happen. Even if the Eye of Mirizan
   and Melizan didn’t detect it. Stupid Eye.
8. They undisintegrated Agrimony’s tickets to The Spangler
   of New Kottarnu the day after the performance. And
   insinuated them into a little envelope in a corner of my
   room.
9. They got blue fur and blossoms all over my romantical
   hats.

Well, all the evidence is undeniable, at least.

Any suggestions about what to do with a boyfriend who keeps
breaking dates at the last minute?