(no subject)

[sythyry]

Mushrooms [11 Thory 4385; Eigrach, Srineia]

We -- Phaniet, Este, Windigar, Kantele, and me -- passed through the lumpy streets of Eigrach to the sweet terraces of Via Tydirdi, where the garden of fragrant lillies was a bit past its prime, but the poisonous but lovely hazillit trees were in bloom all about the white-and-rainbow meringue that was Bwipin's longhouse. "Symbolic," said Kantele, who does not trust anyone in Eigrach.

The Khtsoyis guards in their busby hats greeted us at the door. "G'day to you-dono, visitors. You'd be the snushmangers from Ketheria, wouldn't you?"

"We are the nobles, scholars, and guildsmen of Ketheria whom Bwipin has invited to this place," said Phaniet. "Our personal habits are far too refined and sophisticated for discussion with such as you."

"Haw! Told you they was the snushmangers comin' up the walk," said the one on the left, and turned a dismal sick green color. Both Khtsoyis giggled. "Hey, c'mon in, sit in the parlor. Bwipin's still tryin' t'cram his fat belly into a waistcoat 'n tights."

We sat in the parlor briefly, and grumbled about being insulted by Khtsoyis. "Snushmanger, are we?" But what do you expect, from Khtsoyis?

In due course, Bwipin showed up in the parlor, dressed in a loose caftan and a topologically troublesome hat. "Oh, cursed sorry to be so slow, lordies, but I'm not as nimble as I was a hundred pounds ago. Shall we proceed on our little snushquest?"

We blinked at each other. "Snushquest?"

"Our expedition to find and devour the most expensive mushrooms in Eigrach!" boomed Bwipin.

"Someone called us 'snushmangers'," I explained. "We took it for some sort of insulting term for our choice in lovers."

"Not all of our choice!" noted Windigar.

Bwipin sputtered, "Good heavens, man, someone accused you of being mushroom-eaters! Did they know you were going to Gutrumy House?"

"Well, actually, they did," I had to admit.

"Well, if 'snushmanger' is an insult nowadays, it is an insult I shall wear proudly, blast it! I don't get to Gutrumy House nearly often enough. Too expensive, says the wife and spouses!"

"How much should we expect it to be?" asked the practical Kantele, who, along with Zascalle, is quite worried about our finances.

"Ah, think nothing of it. On the city, ma'am! On the city!" proclaimed Bwipin. "By way of a bit of extra apology for the troubles in this and that, and the shipwrights being so slow and all. We're blasted sorry for all that. And I don't mind being your native host there myself!"

"Oh!" said Este. "Shall we change here, or at the restaurant?"

"Change?" asked Bwipin. "You have brought a bit of a suitcase with you, haven't you?"

"With your permission, should you choose to provide it, we were going to all turn into Cani, so as to best appreciate the subtleties of the poisonous mushrooms," Kantele said.

"That's a blasted good idea! Here, I'll grant you temporary auxiliary membership in Coryn!" said Bwipin. We fiddled with magical talismans and Cani garments. Bwipin fiddled with paper and clan tokens. And sniffed. "Phaniet, should I leave Este out of it? You forgot that Strayway had only strong rosemary soap, and went and used lavender!"

"Oh, no," said Phaniet, tail between her legs. With my new Cani nose, I could tell she smelled faintly of male Rassimel. Bwipin, of course, could tell more.

"Ahh, don't fret about that. A distinguished foreigner such as yourself isn't expected to behave like an Eigrachter. Besides, he's a Cani now, isn't he? Though he doesn't blasted smell like it on you!", boomed Bwipin. "Let's go!"

Gutrumy House

Briefly: as fancy a restaurant as I've ever been in, and that means, quite fancy indeed.

The decor: spiderwebs. Not cobwebs, mind you. The restaurant was bright with sunlight through wicker, and not a single speck of dust sullied the white wythes. But the decor was spiderwebs, artificial spiderwebs made of silk threads, sparkling with powdered glass, spread across floors and ceilings and tables. You could regard them as very sparse and spirally doilies, if you like.

Out of deference to Grinwipey, or my own life, I paid close attention to the restaurant's protections. They looked quite good. Area-effect Heal Poison devices, usable thrice daily for itchy and fever poison (which are annoying if not cured), twelve times daily for harm and howly (which can kill you if not cured).

Plus the waiters -- all Rassimel for better healing power -- clearly knew their magic. Kantele ordered the grilled ciovulse mushroom appetizer; she was the first one to be served. It was beautiful: a spray of tiny pink and purple mushrooms, sprinkled with a few drops of fish sauce and brandy, and grilled over a fire of cedar and onionseed. We passed it around and everyone sniffed at it, and then Kantele popped it into her mouth. "Delicious!" she said, and swallowed, and enjoyed the flavor for a whole ten seconds. Then she looked a bit worried, and gritted her teeth.

Then the waiter stepped behind her and cast Heal Howly Poison. A respectable-strength cast for a non-Guild healer.

Kantele relaxed. "Great staring gods, that's an odd sensation. I needed to scream, over nothing in particular."

I wagged my peculiarly fluffy tail. "Howly poison does that. You scream so loud that you crack your ribs, or you do when it starts to hurt. I've been poisoned that way a few times, and not with a helpful waiter to heal me afterwards."

The waiter smiled. "We strive to please. Who is comfortable enough to have the next appetizer?"

"How much cley do you have left?" asked Este, rather rudely.

Comments

[foomf.livejournal.com]

Were I in the business of publicly reprimanding politicians, I would take great joy in serving a dish of Howly Mushrooms to a number of our own more conservative (and oddly well-paid) members of congress, with the antidote (since we have no magical healing) firmly in the care of people who have been denied medical treatment because of the thinness of their wallets.

I would make certain that several dozen stone-hearted bureaucrats were between them and the antidote, as well, because people who have been denied, are seldom sufficiently stone-hearted.

[kris-schnee.livejournal.com]

A wonderful idea, to bring in such a topic!

Sythyry could experience for zirself what sort of reforms we have in mind. All antidotes are to be confiscated by the city, to be dispensed according to political pull rather than by the tyranny of money. Sythyry zirself, being mighty and important, will be fine. The peasants will be utterly dependent on their leaders for survival, but that's something we like anyway and are encouraging in a hundred ways. Anyone who tries to invent or manufacture antidotes on their own will be punished for their greed. (It's our leaders' job to determine what wealth is appropriate.) Anyone who refuses to buy according to the city's rules will be punished. Anyone who doesn't treat poison according to the city's rules will be punished. And if, somehow, there comes to be a shortage of people willing to cope with these reforms, available supplies will be dispensed according to political might, followed by need as determined by the leaders. Historically, we've found that when we apply such systems of economic management to all of society, the results are so wonderful that people risk death crossing weapon-lined walls to get into such a society. Wait... Not in. Out.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure we're talking about the same Healers' Guild. I am referring to the one founded by the goddess Kvarse, of which I have the honor to be a member. While we do have standards for membership -- fairly rigorous ones -- it is a central rule of the guild that non-guild healers are allowed to heal others as best they can. [World Tree sourcebook, p.80. -bb]

I suppose some city might try to do what you suggest, but I daresay they wouldn't have Guild healers practicing there.

None of the other guilds I am associated with have anything like this sort of rule; indeed, they do their best to have the opposite. But they aren't founded by goddesses either.

[foomf.livejournal.com]

Sadly none of ours have any kind of benevolent and efficacious divine oversight preventing abuse by short-term players of the "limited resource" game, and it shows.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

On the whole you're probably lucky -- less than a third of our gods are ones that you'd want in charge of anything at all, and that's being fairly generous. Not coincidentally, one of those snagged the Healers' Guild early on.

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

Accanax: If you destroy the sick people, everyone is healthy!

Here: Choose one of these random strangers to kill, and I'll cure your illness. Ah, good, you're cured! Now go wait in the chamber of random sacrifices.

Flokin: FWOOSH! Everything is cured with fire. "Ahhh, I'm horribly burned!" No problem! I've got the cure for that! FWOOSH!

Birkozon: What do you mean, you're not injured. You've always been bleeding like that.

Gnarn: Well, actually, this would work pretty well. PAINFULLY, but you'd LIVE.

[kensan-oni.livejournal.com]

*Injures self laughing at Flokin line...*

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

Wasn't the smith guild started by a God?

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Yes, but it fell apart fairly quickly.

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

My point is that divine origin alone isn't sufficient to assure a guild will have altruistic intentions.

[sgtcosgrove.livejournal.com]

Hey. Cut it out.

HUGBEES!!

[sianmink.livejournal.com]

XD

[foomf.livejournal.com]

Are you sure you haven't been eating the meal prepared of mescaline and amonita muscaris? You seem to be hallucinating.

I'll end this here, without going into further discussion, as my initial declaration was clearly an unintentional invitation to an irrelevant straw-man puppet show.

[vernononfm.livejournal.com]

We've enough problems with our own political systems. Please do not bring the discussion of your monstrous politics to us. (And that goes to both of you, thank you very much!)

[redbird]

Well spoken.

We have quite enough places to yell at each other about monstrous politics without invading this one. I had rather think of mushrooms, even poisonous ones.

Though foomf's request now has me wondering: how broadly does this restaurant define "mushroom"? On my world, there are (in addition to poisonous and non-poisonous mushrooms) things that are not exactly mushrooms, but are related to them, and both mushrooms and these other life-forms are called fungi.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

I did not think to ask.

However, the restaurant's repertoire is not limited to things anyone calls mushrooms; it uses toxic herbs and even dangerous meats.

[xolo.livejournal.com]

Magnificently answered!

[zeeth_kyrah]

Not to chew politics too severely here, but we aren't discussing communism.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

I believe we are discussing toxins (without metaphor or insinuation), are we not?

[zeeth_kyrah]

Indeed! And I would much rather chew a mushroom than an opponent.