(no subject)

[sythyry]

Well-Aged Wine, part 1 [4 Consimbs 4261]

Scene 1: The Lightly Scaled Refectory

Ghirbis:[sung]"Sythyry! Descend unto the boardwalk -- walk unto the board-descend -- board unto the descend-walk!"

Which was, of course, utterly impossible, as I was, at that moment, prowling under the kitchen table for a poptaloop that had escaped from my plate. (Because Pazi-Pazi pounced it.)

Ghirbis and Dustweed:[sung, in unison]"There's an Orren you ought to meet."

Me:"Orren? What want I with an Orren?"

Ghirbis and Dustweed:[sung, in unison]"Romance and love and just about everything!"

Me:"Well, yes, but I've still got a very nice boyfriend, even if he really is dating Pondspark."

Jarmiet:[quietly left the room]

Dustweed:"Besides, this one is purple."

Me:"Purple? Why on wood would I want a purple Orren?"

Dustweed:"And he has an excellent if fruity bouquet."

Me:"Not my preferred choice of perfume."

Ghirbis:"We found him in an attic in Sprowlween Hall."

Me:"A student?"

Ghirbis:"No -- he was trapped there!"

Me:"I fail to see the attraction."

Dustweed:"We'll bring you to the Green Tile Classroom."

Me:"You're smirking far too much, and making sense far too little. I shall stay here and take a postprandial nap. My actual boyfriend kept me up late."

Scene 2: The Green Tile Classroom

Well, he is purple. But not purple the way that you'd expect an Orren to be purple. His fur is purple, yes. So are his eyes (which should be brown in an Orren), his teeth and clawtips (which should be roughly white), and even his entrails (which should not be seen at all).

He did, indeed, have an excellent and fruity bouquet. Not perfume, though.

He was, indeed, in an attic in Sprowlween Hall, and unable to leave. He had been there for some time, though many people knew about him.

What he's not, is Orren.

Or even prime.

But he's entirely legal to have inside of Vheshrame.

He's an elemental. An enchantment professor some fifty years ago made him, by animating a cask of a very good Chateau Montdegrarrhu '28 into a sentient statue of an Orren.

I will admit that I stared. It is not every day that one sees a cask of very good Chateau Montdegrarrhu '28 reading a copy of the Howling Horn of Hressh-Huu. Or, alternatively, a stark-naked glistening purple Orren sitting in a classroom after hours, reading the Howling Horn of Hressh-Huu.

I will admit that I considered how I might best use Mansion of Unearthly Delights to horrify or embarrass my housemates, when I get it grafted.

So, how does one behave socially with a sentient cask of very good Chateau Montdegrarrhu?

Comments

[barberio.livejournal.com]

Start by not drinking him.

[galis.livejournal.com]

At least buy him a drink that isn't him first.

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I know a foxtaur you could ask...

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

That's who bought the cameo!

[kensan-oni.livejournal.com]

Whatever you do, no wine-ing! It gets enough of that on it own. :'D

[chipuni.livejournal.com]

So, how does one behave socially with a sentient cask of very good Chateau Montdegrarrhu?

The same way one behaves with other Primes: you find something in common to talk about! And you already have something... Howling Horn of Hressh-Huu.

If I remember correctly, that's a sheet (or several sheets) about the events of the day. It's obviously interested in what's happening. Perhaps you could ask its opinion about the Duke's latest proclamation?

[draconis.livejournal.com]

Wine is for indulgence, ne?

[momentrabbit.livejournal.com]

Ask - politely - if you might sniff his cork?

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

Why was he locked in the attic for fifty years? Don't magical items go insane if you leave them alone for too long? Or is that only people?

[waywind.livejournal.com]

Maybe he is insane.

[yotogi.livejournal.com]

I admit, with all this discussion of being locked in an attic and having an excellent bouquet, I half expected him to be dead.

[waywind.livejournal.com]

That and the entrails. I was expecting to get to the end of this post and find out this was some horrifying magically-preserved dead-and-purple Orren. I'm not sure which is weirder.

[yotogi.livejournal.com]

I just couldn't figure out why that would motivate Dustweed and Ghirbis to sing, exactly.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Ghirbis sings most of the time. Dustweed sings more often than I write about; zie is Herethroy, after all.

[cattitude.livejournal.com]

So, how does one behave socially with a sentient cask of very good Chateau Montdegrarrhu?

Whatever else may happen, at the end of the evening either both or neither of you should be drunk.

[thestra.livejournal.com]

Ask a sly and cunning friend to help you sneak your very nice boyfriend's recently liberated pornography to the orrenish elemental. After all, you can always look up a friendly elemental in a century or three.