(no subject)

[sythyry]

Toll Booth [19 Hispis 4385]

For our convenience and safety, the city guards of certain cities of the lower branches patrol the sky. Indeed, the sky here is more dangerous than in Ketheria. Our recent encounter with the inistella and insane philosophers suffices to prove that. It did not surprise us greatly to discover a substantial military force, nor that they were rather interested in us.

The battle-barge Duncan's Glory looks rather like a regular barge; indeed, I suspect that it a recommissioned one. It's a long flat skyboat with two top sails and two side sails. It is none too fast on its feet -- not that it has feet per se, unlike Strayway. I don't think it needs to be. It has been refitted (or maybe fitted, though I expect re-) with a respectable device that can telepop it a quarter-mile a dozen times a day. The long flat main deck is used to good effect. It has four big ballistas and four fire-onagers, and a quite appealing battle-pergola heavily grown with unfamiliar but presumably highly magical vines.

Accompanying Duncan's Glory is the xebec-o-war Soothing Ointment. Soothing Ointment is a trim and nimble skyboat, with two sails and two flappy wings. It's built for ramming, too, with a bowsprit of a metal spike all ablaze with a harsh consuming flame. She's got only one big weapon otherwise: a ballista loaded with a huge harpoon.

And the third of this martial trio is the luzzu The Terrible Bean. Small and fast, she is, and with a fierce sentient flame in her painted eyes. She's got wings like a dragonfly, and a tail like a scorpion, and a brace of net-casters and another harpoon-ballista. I would expect she can use them on her own, if her crew is otherwise occupied.

We were drifting down at a nice safe speed around Beltheia, presumably in the sky owned by Dossimar. Duncan's Glory was suddenly in front of us, with a loud flatulent thump of Locador magic. (I have gotten used to Vae's teleporting, which is somewhere between plangent and piquant and very very pointy. Primes don't teleport like that generally; but we do not teleport so much as Vae. Duncan's Glory was particularly noxious about it.)

"Ahoy, the Duncan's Glory!" shouted Windigar from the control room, presumably reading the name from the side of the war-barge. (I was in my workshop, quite busy with an enchantment, so I didn't actually know much of what was going on.)

"Ahoy, Strayway!" warbled the pilot of The Terrible Bean, popping out of a cloudbank on our upper starboard. Soothing Ointment oozed from behind the thick growth off the world-trunk, coming towards us off our rear underneath port.

"Sorry to trouble you, but you've come to the domain of Dossimar," called a Gormoror man from the deck of Duncan's Glory.

"Our periplus agrees with you on that point," called Windigar. "What is the significance of this, beyond our proximity to your presumed city-state?"

"Well, first things first," shouted the Gormoror. "Have you seen any monsters lately? Ulgrane in particular, or hugeng? They've been a terrible pestilence on the skyways lately. Or any other dangers that you care to mention?"

"That we have not," called Windigar. "An inistella with a peculiar crew, but that was days ago, and not aggressive."

"Excellent. The reputation and the might of Dossimar is keeping them off!"

"The skies have been clear, to be sure," said Windigar.

"The might of Dossimar is considerable! Note the ballistas and fire-onagers behind me; note the ram and harpoon on Soothing Ointment; note the tail and net-casters of The Terrible Bean!" boomed the Gormoror.

"Your armament is formidable, to be sure," said Windigar, who was beginning to get the point.

"Our armament would, however, be barely consequential without the skills of our heroes. The great sorceress Oonanau herself rides in The Terrible Bean. Lorquan the Episcopicide is even now waving to you from the mast of Soothing Ointment. And I am Drogimargue the Nendrai-Slayer."

"Respectable names indeed!" said Windigar. "I will confess a regrettable ignorance of the deeds and sagas of Beltheia. Did you really kill a nendrai?"

"I did!" boomed Drogimargue. "Bahalizonne the Lar lies dead, grilled and devoured by the citizens of Dossimar, and my hand the hand that drove the axe-blade through his spine!"

("Anyone you know?" asked Kantele to Vae. "The N. varigatus who died here a decade or so ago," Vae answered. "Not a personal friend was he, but once he played chess with Oixe and I was jealous.")

"Well, that must have been a battle worth an epic and a half!" called Windigar.

"I shall be most glad to declaim them at a suitable time! But first, a practical matter. The heroes and warships whom you have hired to protect you in this airspace are puissant and potent, and, additionally, numerous. Their rates are quite cheap considering their quality and number!"

"Your choice of vocabulary is notable," said Windigar. "Perhaps the respected and noble speech of Beltheia differs slightly from my native Ketherian. But a mistranslation seems to have snuck in -- one which we will surely both laugh about. In my dialect, the word 'hire' means 'requesting the labor and services of someone, for pay'."

"I fear that -- alas! -- we must laugh most quietly. For that is indeed an elegant and succinct synopsis of the situation!" boomed the nendrai-slayer.

"I am afraid I do not recall requesting your labor or service..." said Windigar.

"Is your memory so friable, so subject to the gremulations of even miniscule smalliments of time? For did you not recently enter the domain of Dossimar?"

"Well, I would seem to be there now," said Windigar, lashing his tail annoyedly in the privacy of the control room.

"Which is, of course, protected most mightily by myself and my fellow heroes! Hence, you have hired us!" proclaimed the Gormoror.

"Ah ... The paperwork was unaccountably delayed," said Windigar. "We entered relying solely upon our own defenses, which are considerable even by the standards of a martial wizard of Ketheria." He knew exactly what was going on. "And, to avoid further administrative effort, it will suffice for us to depart without troubling you or anyone else for an actual hire. In any case, we are well-used to dealing with nendrai and other such minor inconveniences; they do not dare pester us." Which is approximately true, though by "us" he means "Vae".

"Do not fear, captain of the Strayway!" said Drogimargue generously. "The paperwork is a mere trifle! In any case, we must not let mere administrative matters stand between you and true safety. Behold, even now Oonanau exerts a mighty spell to protect you from horrors teleporting to assault you! Unfortunately it also restricts your own craft's ability to teleport ... but do not fear! You are surrounded by the protective aegis of the warriors of Dossimar, as an infant Cani of a martial clan is swaddled by the hardened leather wrappings of its mother!"

"Perhaps the paperwork can be disposed of," said Windigar. "What are your rates?" He scowled, and scribbled notes to Yerenthax and Vae.

"Our rates are modest, even negligable! A mere eighty lozens per person aboard your craft! Plus, of course, the six hundred for the cley of the spell that Oonanau has already cast. And should any more cley or life's blood be necessary in your protection, be assured that the same highly favorable rates will apply to it." (For those uncertain about World Tree prices: these are quite high. I rarely manage to charge half of that for a cley, for one thing.)

"Splendid. How much do you charge us for shooting a ballista bolt at us? Or other of your siege weaponry, which, perhaps by coincidence, is better suited for assaulting skyboats than monsters?" asked Windigar.

"Two hundred lozens, or more if the bolt has been ensorcelled," said Drogimargue with a smile.

"I imagine that it will not be necessary," said Windigar to Drogimargue. "I will consult with our accountant, to see how the funds are most easily acquired."

To Yerenthax and Vae and Kantele, "Well, what should we do now?"

Comments

[mmsword.livejournal.com]

Ah, extortion. A time honored tradition in all walks of life, so it seems. I am not sure what would be reasonable her, depending on the exact function of the spell cast upon the ship, but I think, if possible, teleporting their crew incredibly far away and claiming their ships and weapons as salvage is the proper Adventurer's response, given the Terrifying Ophidian Defense Grid's main function.

[gavinfox.livejournal.com]

That is downright piracy! Granted, it might be state sponsored piracy, like privateering, or it might just be their actual NAVY engaging in piracy, but it is still piracy. I would call their bluff and do something very embarassing to them. I mean why else would you have a terrifying ophidian defense grid?

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

No it's piracy. It can't be privateering unless there's a declared war between Dossimar and Veshrame currently in affect.

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

Sythyry should sally up to the surface of the skyboat,
Announcing an adequately aliterative anthem:
Numerous naval nonpareil cna brag of neutralizing nasty Nendrai
But 'tis only your terrifying tricks that tame the troublesome titans!

[gavinfox.livejournal.com]

Ahhh good point...

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

I didn't know you were Gormoror!

[gavinfox.livejournal.com]

Hey, one doesnt need to be Gormoror to enjoy various types of warrior poetry!

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

I'm a dragon, but I do have a little Gormoror in me...

...from time to time anyway. ;>

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Beware of such phrasings! Someone might accuse you of being, well, like me.

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

They'll accuse me of being abstinate?

[kensan-oni.livejournal.com]

The horror!

[kensan-oni.livejournal.com]

This is turning out to be an expensive vacation, and you haven't even gotten to the destination yet!

[arkofeden.livejournal.com]

I have to ask, although this is really only a minor detail... Soothing Ointment? Is this really a good example of the names that are given to warships to strike terror into the hearts of the enemy? o.o;;

--R.

[kris-schnee.livejournal.com]

[OOC: Interesting to read about naval warships in this world. With the use of teleportation and sentient spells, even a small boat could act like an aircraft carrier, yet there's the potential for old-fashioned boarding actions.]

Because you're on vacation, now's the chance to have some fun! At the worst, Vae can smash through the enemy spells, do something creatively horrible to the pirates, teleport yourself and crew to safety, and enjoy it, yes? (The supposed nendrai-killer probably had lots more help and preparation than he has today.) So you can have her do that as a fallback... While the main plan is to humiliate and disarm the foes for entertainment and profit.

Have Vae put some protection on Quendry, then send him out to announce that he is the great and terrible Sythyry, challenging their mightiest hero! Then your seamstress can have some fun with the hero while Vae starts disabling, looting, and stripping naked all of the pirates. While you send them a delicious breakfast.

[OOC: Anything of the sort would probably be more interesting than agreeing to pay or simply fleeing.]

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Hmph. Distracted, nothing more!

No. Traff.

[kensaro.livejournal.com]

If they Are sanctioned by their local government it's not piracy, then it would be unorthodox taxation methods, of course the validity of that claim is suspect.

[shurhaian.livejournal.com]

Not all societies view this as a bad thing, scarily enough. Some even don't think it disqualifies those who engage in it from cisaffection.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Perhaps my next vacation should be off-world.

But I'm going to bring my own sweetie(s) anyhow.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

It just had the phrase written on the side. Windigar told me that was the name. I suppose it might be short for "After an encounter with this ship's ram, you will need some _________ _________". It might even be an advertisement.

I didn't name it, in any case.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

The wrongfolk were more thinking of getting away cleanly, and, perhaps, cheaply. Humiliating three warships full of experienced sky pirates didn't seem like a safe way to start a vacation.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

I'm not wholly certain that our laws match yours in all points, and my translator has marked some words as "approximate". [Just "privateer". -bb] In any case, by the end of the day it was clear that they were at least somewhat sanctioned by the local government, though we neglected to inquire into the precise legal details, as you shall see.

[kris-schnee.livejournal.com]

But since they've already taken aggressive action against you (accosting you with an anti-teleport spell), you'd be within your rights to turn their bones to venomous beetles and seize three valuable warships! Over in this world, paying pirates hasn't been nearly as safe as killing them or threatening to.

[kris-schnee.livejournal.com]

I've now used your situation in a political and moral discussion! Call it the Zi Ri's Dilemma.

[yotogi.livejournal.com]

We have such sights to show you, to quote a mildly-famous Locador demon.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

A bit odd, as I didn't find out about the dilemma 'til somewhat later.
[OOC -- is it somewhere I could see?]

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

Well, if I was on a skyboat with a nendrai, a wizard, and assorted heroes, I'd tell the sky-pirates where they could stuff their paperwork and suggest to the nendrai that the poor benighted primes clearly needed help understanding the volitional nature of the word "hire." Or perhaps suggest that their aggression could be turned into a memory of having received payment.

Re: Thoughts

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

You might have done better than we did. Or, perhaps, you might be have found yourself trying to decide whether the repairs or the funerals were the most urgent.

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

Obviouly, attacking the natives would be completely improper -- they're only doing their job, after all. This seems like a convenient time for some monsters to attack, though, forcing them to defend themselves from, say, a swarm of elementals that came out of *nowhere*!

Then you could help them defend themselves from the sudden attackers. For a price. Everyone goes home happy and/or incinerated!

Re: Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know. The problem with paying extortionists, though, is that it encourages them. They're less likely to continue if it gets them hurt and broke. Or even just mind-diddled by a nendrai.

Re: Thoughts

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

We -- by which I mean my crew, though I'm sure I would have agreed with them if I had been told -- were more concerned with the three warships surrounding us than with the long-term benefits of our approach for (on the whole) other people.

Are you often extorted?

[yotogi.livejournal.com]

Perhaps the actual ram's title is Comfort-tip Applicator.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

[Bard takes eleven points of damage. -bb]

[rowyn]

I think you may be mis-estimating the relative powers of the pirates vs the Strayway. And even if Vae and Sythyry do have them outgunned, that doesn't mean engagement is a trivial matter. Consider, for example, that while a troop transport is much better armed and armored than a group of terrorists bearing improvised explosive devices, the people aboard the troop transport are generally not eager to engage the latter group on the latter's own terms, and will not necessarily come off the better for it if they do.

[rowyn]

I'm not sure that would work. Wouldn't the pirates toll collectors use the incident as proof of their valuable assistance in defending the Strayway, and demand additional monies to cover the cost of any damage they sustained?

Unless the elementals won, anyway. But even if they did the local government might still expect Sythyry to pay for the loss of the vessels in the presumed defense of zir vessel.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Exactly. We were trying to get out of the situation without anyone getting killed or injured, and preferably without getting robbed either. Justice, broad principles of how one should treat extortionists, and even careful calculations of who might lose less in a fight did not seem terribly relevant at the time.

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

The idea is for the elementals to be *winning* until the Strayway offers to step in, for a price.

The idea the crew actually came up with is better, though.

[yotogi.livejournal.com]

My work is done here.

[shurhaian.livejournal.com]

Probably for the best. Among other things, it's insurance against an inappropriate entanglement with offworlders, some of whom can doubtless be quite convincing.

I remember reading that World Tree magic sometimes works differently in other universes - sometimes worse, sometimes better. Here's hoping the relevant gods are in a friendly mood if you do undertake such a jaunt.

Re: Thoughts

[foomf.livejournal.com]

If she's in the same timespace I'm in, then she's more frequently importuned and frequently used as an unwitting justification for increasing the inequity of distribution of wealth.