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[sythyry]

The Interrogations; or, Botching a Diplomacy Roll [5 Hispis 4262]

[Translator's note: the Legeriat is loosely similar to the Senate or Parliament, though it's much smaller. -bb]

Legeriator Brelsny:"Why have you not encouraged or even allowed local businesses full access to the nendrai?"

Me:"Because she is utterly insane and far too dangerous for anyone to deal with."

Legeriator Brelsny:"Yet, you deal with her several times a week."

Me:"And get cursed or otherwise doomed regularly. I'm not really expecting to survive this year."

Legeriator Colenne (Rassimel):"Right. what steps are you taking toward the nendrai's destruction?"

Me:"None."

Legeriator Colenne:"That is a serious dereliction of duty."

Me:"No, it's not."

Legeriator Colenne:"Please explain that remarkable remark."

Me:"My duty is to keep her from destroying or mutatilating Vheshrame Mene. If anyone else is trying to dispose of her, best if I don't even know about it."

Legeriator Darsues (Herethroy):"I don't like the tone of that. Would you betray your city-state to a monster?"

Me:"To one who can cast complexity-80 Mutoc Mentador spells without spending cley? Yes, if she decided that I should."

Legeriator Darsues:"That attitude is unacceptable."

Me:"Then get someone with more magic resistance to do the job. Probably my grandparent Glikkonen could block her spells."

Legeriator Colenne:"We are the Legeriat of Vheshrame. We do not tolerate mockery."

Me:"I'm not mocking you. The nendrai is more dangerous than just about any prime."

Legeriator Darsues:"Then we should dispose of her."

Legeriator Brelsny:"That won't be easy, or cheap."

Me:"Isn't that the Duke's decision, not yours?"

Legeriator Quercus (Rassimel):"You don't need to remind us of our charter. We are well aware of it. In particular our duty to recommend courses of action to the Duke."

Legeriator Brelsny:"Besides, disposing of such a valuable beast seems foolish. We should harness her. Think what a wonderful addition her powers would make to our economic infrastructure!"

Me:"I don't think that's a very good idea."

Legeriator Brelsny:"Oh, don't be pessimistic, Sythyry! Cleverness and persistance will pay off!"

Legeriator Darsues:"Well, we could distract her while we are preparing to destroy her."

Me:"Really. If you're preparing to destroy her, don't tell me."

Legeriator Darsues:"Potential traitor. Right."

Me:"..."

Legeriator Colenne:"It is ridiculous that Vheshrame suffer the presence of this beast. Are we not the mightiest city on the branch?"

Me:"That's probably why we have the worse nendrai on the branch. If we get rid of her, Gnarn will probably bless us with something even worse next year."

Legeriator Colenne:"Superstitious nonsense. The gods work very broadly, not with such individual attention to cities and years."

Me:"Actually, give me lots of warning before you try to kill her. I want to move somewhere beforehand. Very far away."

Legeriator Darsues:"You are being disrespectful of the military power of Vheshrame."

Me:"I'm also being part of the military power of Vheshrame."

Legeriator Darsues:"As am I. But you are talking about deserting and betraying the city-state."

Me:"No. I'm trying to give you my best estimate of how hard it would be to fight her."

Legeriator Darsues:"One monster. She can only cast one spell at a time, no matter how strong it may be. She can't even heal herself. With a suitable direct assault, she will fall."

Me:"Well. She's got complexity 80 Mutoc Tempador spells, so I'll bet she can do a lot at once. And she's got plenty of allies among the local flora and fauna ... and by "local" I mean "potentially, anywhere you can get to by a few complexity-100 Mutoc Locador spells."

Legeriator Brelsny:"How far is that, exactly?"

Me:"It's not restricted to our universe."

Legeriator Colenne:"See? Ridiculous to have such a threat show up at the Halflight Gate thrice weekly!"

Me:"I think Kaim-Su is in charge of strategy. You'd better talk to him about attacking Vae. I'm just the guard delegated to keeping us safe from her."

Legeriator Colenne:"And see how poorly that has worked!"

Me:"Right. I'm doing a terrible job. I ought to be replaced as soon as possible."

Legeriator Colenne:"Keep up that insolence, and you might be."

Me:"Is that a promise?"

Legeriator Colenne:"We will certainly give the Duke a report on this meeting."

Me:"Well, be sure to tell him that I'd love to be replaced."

Legeriator Colenne:"Bah. Your position is just a sinecure."

Legeriator Brelsny:"And gives you exclusive access to a potentially valuable resource."

Me:"Once the Duke dismisses me, I'm sure he'll be looking for volunteers."

Legeriator Colenne:"Bah! The suggestion is ridiculous. My courage is not in doubt."

Me:"Neither is your magic resistance, or lack thereof."

Legeriator Quercus:"Gentleprimes, please keep to the business at hand."

Me:"Which is to report on the status of the nendrai. She's here, she's insanely powerful, she's powerfully insane, she thinks I'm her friend and respects my opinions, and that gives me some influence with her."

Legeriator Darsues:"And are you her friend?"

Me:"Well, yes. There's no faking that."

Legeriator Artful:"And by 'friend' do mean 'lover'?"

Me:"No."

Legeriator Artful (Cani):"The Duke's insinuations, and your own history, lead me to think otherwise."

Me:"Well, she's not my lover."

Legeriator Artful:"My nose tells me otherwise."

Me:"I think I, of all primes, am allowed to smell of reptilian lust!"

Legeriator Artful:"No. You were nervous and evasive with that 'She's not my lover'"

I gave a humiliating summary of what happens when a prime gives something to a nendrai.

Legeriator Quercus:"And that's how we keep Vae under control?"

Me:"She's not under control, and, yes, it's part of the Duke's program to keep her in bounds."

Legeriator Quercus:"Disgusting."

Me:"Feel free to suggest alternatives to the Duke."

Legeriator Artful:"You seem to think that the Duke is your ally here."

Me:"I think he is my lord. I'm doing what he has ordered me to, to the very best of my admittedly meagre ability. If you want me to do something else, get him to tell me to do something else, and I'll do that to the best of my ability. And I hope any loyal citizen of Vheshrame would say and do the same."

Legeriator Quercus:"Patriotic Zi Ri, at least."

Legeriator Darsues:"Quite an uplifting and noble statement for someone who has promised to betray us at the first opportunity."

Me:"No! At the first failure of magic resistance against a mind control spell that could flatten a demigod!"

Legeriator Darsues:"I do believe that the use of magic resistance is entirely optional."

Legeriator Zolommones (Orren):"It is."

Me:"If I used all my cley, I could maybe block one of Vae's spells, and maybe not. Leaving me naked to the next one. She doesn't run out of spells."

Legeriator Darsues:"You expect me to believe that the grandchild of Glikkonen doesn't have secret defenses?"

Me:"I do, but nothing that can block Vae's magic."

Legeriator Darsues:"What, then?"

I explained about the Eye of Mirizan and Melizan, and the seven-winged burning thing.

Legeriator Darsues:"That's all?"

Me:"I've got a water-creating pitcher and a levitation tether too. I made them myself in undergraduate enchantment classes."

Legeriator Darsues:"I am sure you are lying."

Me:"I wish I were lying."

Legeriator Darsues:"There shall be an official inquiry into this."

Me:"Whatever."

Legeriator Darsues:"I imagine your family will try to shield you. I doubt that they will succeed."

Me:"There's nothing to shield!"

Legeriator Darsues:"We shall discover the truth of that in due course."

Legeriator Colenne:"Probably wise. We'll want it for the assault on Vae, when that comes. I do get your point, though. You will be transferred from your diplomatic duties to a member of the assault team when that comes to pass. I imagine that whatever weaponry you have is for your species only."

Me:"I hope you discover a few nice little Holocaust War devices that I've forgotten about before that happens."

Legeriator Colenne:"Don't speak that way to me, you ungrateful lizard! I'm taking your side!"

Legeriator Quercus:"I do recommend that we all take Vheshrame's side in this matter. And all others."

Me:"I'm trying!"

Legeriator Colenne:"A bit ineffectually. There is room for improvement."

Me:"... right ..."

And they scolded me a bit more, and dismissed me.

Comments

[pyat.livejournal.com]

I did not believe it was possible for life to get more interesting for you.

[slrose.livejournal.com]

Dooom!

[goodluckfox.livejournal.com]

Wait, what are you doing here??? Is it that small a world? :) I know you from Seawasp's beta list!

(and doom indeed!)

[dracosphynx.livejournal.com]

It's quite possible! An affair with Legeriator Zolommones (Orren), for instance. Vae finding a suitable lover/mate who wants to move in with Vae. Sythyry's parents considering arranging a betrothal. A rival city state presenting a Zi-Ri of their own to try to lure Vae to their side.

Sythyry has an immense capacity for doom!

[gavinfox.livejournal.com]

...Wow. What obtuse nobles.

Is being a complete idiot a REQUIREMENT for being a high ranked and powerful noble?!

[space-parasite.livejournal.com]

Clearly you should invite them out to meet Vae! I mean, how can they possibly justify relying on an intermediary to gather facts in a matter so vital to their tax base city? This situation obviously calls for direct involvement at the highest levels!

[justicezero.livejournal.com]

No, i'm afraid that the nobles I deal with on a regular basis are similarly clueless about precisely how little control the systems in which they reside actually has on the world. This tends to indicate nobles who do not regularly attempt to actually do things, or else they would personally discover for themselves just how hollow their authority and power truly is.

In my case, it involves attempting to get nobles to recognize that a certain mineral resource which my state relies upon heavily at this time is mainly imported from, ah, other branches which are not only hostile to us, but furthermore are discovering just how useful the supplies they have are and are increasingly using it for their own use. Most people in the city, as well as the nobles, tend to think that this is only a trivial problem, and certainly nothing for which trying to find alternatives to the resource in question is called for. They tend to get in my face and call me deluded whenever I try to explain the matter to them.

You have my full sympathies.

[slrose.livejournal.com]

I am observing Sythyry's doom with great amusement.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Oh, most of them are high-ranked and powerful commoners, I think. Or esquires, same as me.

[gavinfox.livejournal.com]

Ah, sorry, language difficulties then!

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

So the merchants *do* want access, and you're telling them 'no'?

There've got to be something like 'merchant-adventurers' who'd be willing to accept the doom. I mean, the risk.

[goodluckfox.livejournal.com]

Meh, the rate of production of that resource is about to begin inexorably and forever declining. They'll notice THEN. I hope.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

It was like they wanted to take every word out of your mouth and turn it against you. They were bending over backward to do it so spectacularly that they were nearly rolling around the room like hoops with their heads touching their toes.

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. It appears you're being audited! I concur with the Space Parasite.

[yotogi.livejournal.com]

I was having a similar thought, but 'toes' was not the term I was thinking of.

Two thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

1) It is reassuring in a bleak sort of way to see that culpable stupidity is not restricted to monster governments.

2) Perhaps it would be safer -- and would almost certainly be more lucrative -- to take up a nomadic lifestyle and strictly freelance adventuring? Somewhere far from Vheshrame, just in case.

[justicezero.livejournal.com]

Oh, it -has- been declining. The problem now is peak exports on top of it, meaning that the ones seeing the decline stop selling it and start keeping it for themselves. I expect it to become essentially unavailable - barring massive wars - in about six years.

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

You apparently haven't learned the ancient diplomatic art of biting one's tongue when appearing before a gathering of idiots.

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

Sythyry's goal here is to maintain the status quo. So if any interest proposes changing it, the best strategy is merely to find the naturally opposing interest to prevent it. In this case, the naturally opposing interest would be the guilds, so the correct answer to the first question would have been along the lines of:

"Nendrai mutoc magic would not be permitted by our guild laws; I didn't think it would be appropriate to impoverish our local craftsman by permitting a monster to intrude on their priveleges."

With luck this would lead to a long argument between the legirators representing the merchants and the legirators representing the guilds. Which both prevents any action being taken and also distracts everyone from you.

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

I think sixty is more realistic than six, for *that* level of scarcity.

[esory.livejournal.com]

Or maybe Sythyry can only kowtow to so many people at one time, and Vae is taking up all of it already. O_O

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

And the Duke. Let's not forget the Duke. Lots of kowtowing for one small lizard.

[redbird]

I'd say those are reasonable priorities, given that it would be plausible for you to go to the duke and say something like "My lord, the legeriat seem to be asking me to go against your instructions. I am certain that I misunderstand, so could you please clarify what they actually mean when they tell me both to harness the nendrai and to destroy her?"

I suspect that will lead the duke to say something that boils down to "You take orders from me alone. Continue as you have been," or possibly to appoint one member of the legeriat to go with you and be eaten by Vae.

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

Or, 'why are you bothering me with your personal problems? The legeriat outrank you, so do whatever they say, in addition to not violating any of my orders.'

[goodluckfox.livejournal.com]

It's not about when we run out, it's about when the rate of production peaks and then falls and NOTHING we do can increase the rate of production.

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

And if that's actually happening now, which it might or might not be since there are other possible explanations, we probably have about thirty or forty years before it's unobtainable at any price. Sixty would be wildly optimistic, but *six*?

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

There's a distinction between kowtowing and merely remaining silent. Direct questions should be answered as tersely as possible. Beyond that, just remain quiet and let the idiots bicker amongst themselves.

[ionotter.livejournal.com]

Hmmmmm.

I think the stress has gotten to you, dear. Perhaps it's time to bring Vae in for a visit? I'm sure the nobles would find her quite enchanting.

[goodluckfox.livejournal.com]

Google "Peak Oil" and you can find a better explanation

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

I'm familiar with 'peak oil'. I learned about it in college, for that matter. Look at all the graphs, and how they hover near the top until about 2040.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly. The Legeriat doesn't give me (or anyone) orders. They discuss options and, in principle, represent the breadth and intensity of popular opinions.

But Vae doesn't eat people, I believe. She helps them. Eating them would probably be kinder, really.

[justicezero.livejournal.com]

The problem here isn't "Peak Oil". Peak Oil provides a relatively gentle downward slope. The problem is Peak Exports. Peak Exports means that even though the supply is sloping down, the way that supply gets allocated changes dramatically as oil producing nations start using their supplies more domestically, and as demand shifts elsewhere. For instance, China is putting a BILLION cars on-line in a short period of time.
This means that the demand curve crosses the gently downward-sloping supply much sooner - around 2013-2015 or so - and our own nobles start having to decide whether to allocate a limited supply to the military, the farms, or to commuters.

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

Ah! Now I know exactly how things went for Dan Quayle with the congress critters when he returned there after the first +Terrible Butterfly+ review.

[kris-schnee.livejournal.com]

I'm sure she'd change their minds about this whole thing.